One of the numerous remedies I tried for the case of the curious headache that would not go away was a mouth guard. I grind my teeth, just like my older brother and just like other members of my family. The fancy schmancy medical term for this is bruxism. There is no “cure,” but you can wear a plastic mouth guard at night that protects your molars from damage.

You can get an el cheapo night guard at any drug store, but since I had dental insurance I decided to use it and get the premium customized model from my dentist. To do this, he had to make a mold of my teeth which involved two trays of goopy gunk and a strong will to suppress the gag reflex. They then cast a model of my teeth from the impressions and made the mouth guard from that model. When I picked up the mouth guard, they also gave me the model since they don’t have room to store them all.

These days my teeth can be found on my bathroom counter, next to the small alligator head a friend of mine brought back from Florida. Who’s got the better chompers?