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New York, New York

“10 seconds, move, move!” the stage manager said. I dashed across The Early Show set so fast that I didn’t notice that I’d scurried within three feet of Rick Springfield, let alone have enough time to lick him. I was so focused on reaching the white chairs that I tuned out all 80′s pop stars and heartthrobs in the vicinity. Then I tried to smile cutely for the camera, pretending I didn’t have an odd electronic device stuck in my ear, as they did a live tease of me before my segment. Then the delightful Maggie Rodriguez was interviewing me and I can’t even remember what I said, though I noticed both Maggie and I were wearing black tank tops and I FINALLY got to say the name of my book on national television. CBS is kick-ass when it comes to Half-Assed, and I mean that in a good way. Then the interview was over and I wandered off stage as Rick Springfield stuffed “Jessie’s Girl” in my head and left it there for [...]

Meet me in New York – Bring your own book signing at Swizz

I dispatched a scout (aka my Aunt Lori) to case the New York neighborhood I’ll be staying in next week. After much deliberation (aka a 9-minute phone call), we’ve decided to host a meet up at Swizz, a wine and fondue bar at 310 West 53rd St. between 8th and 9th Avenues. We’ll be hanging around, dipping bread in cheese or chocolate, on Wednesday, July 30th from 7:30pm EST to probably 8:30 or 9:00ish. If you are around, feel free to drop in, say hi, have a drink, or snack on some cheese.

This is a “bring your own book” signing, meaning that if you want a copy of Half-Assed signed to you, you should buy a book at your retailer of choice and bring it yourself. I’ll have a couple of copies available on hand to sell for $15.95, but I can’t guarantee they’ll last. If you want to reserve a copy, contact me at halfofme (at) pastaqueen [dot] com and I’ll give you instructions on how to do so.

You can contact Swizz for directions [...]

Leaving on a jet plane

Remember how I had to rearrange my exercise schedule because the sun had audacity the start setting early without consulting me first and I didn’t want to be on the trail at night? Well, two nights ago some guy was waving a gun around a tanning salon in a shopping complex visible from my trail route. What can we learn from this, children? It’s not paranoia if they’re really trying to kill you. Also, tanning can be potentially deadly in ways having nothing to do with skin cancer. Now, to call my brother about that pepper spray.

I’m going to be out of town this weekend visiting my other brother in Boston who doesn’t own pepper spray, so there will be no updates until next week. I know you’re devastated, but please don’t go on any eating binges in the midst of your grief. This also means there will be no weigh-in on Saturday since I won’t have access to my scale. I suppose I could bring it with me, but the baggage screeners would probably [...]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

Please Do Not Leave A Message: Why Millennials Hate Voice Mail : All Tech Considered : NPR
I left a voicemail for my younger brother last week which he never got because he doesn't check it. When I asked him about it, he was like, "Why didn't you text me?"

Life in Quarantine for Ebola Exposure: 21 Days of Fear and Loathing - NYTimes.com
I tend to stay at home a lot, but 21 days stuck in my apartment would drive me crazy.

Buy Experiences, Not Things - The Atlantic
Money can buy happiness if you spend it on experiences, not things.

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