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Pour some sugar on me

My allergist says I am not allergic to food. As a former 372-pound woman, this comes as no shock. I wanted to be surprised and to discover an easy cure for my never-ending headache. I was hoping the doctor would say, “Just stop eating dairy products and you’ll have your life back!” Sadly, the 20 minutes I spent lying on my chest with a grid drawn on my back after being scratched fifty-something times with a variety of food samples only led to the obvious answer: the former fat girl is not allergic to food.

Though he has not cured me, I like my allergist very much. I was hesitant at first, sitting in his waiting room which looked like it had not been renovated since the early 80′s. I further psyched myself out as I waited in the examination room reading a chart with about 90 things I did not know you could be allergic to. Then the doctor walked in, an older man who has seen it all and is on the case and [...]

What would you do for a Thin Mint?

It’s Girl Scout cookie time and I have yet to eat a Thin Mint or a Samoa or a Tagalong. (Mmmm, Tagalongs.) I wish I could only buy a couple cookies at a time because I don’t trust myself with an entire box. I’m trying to visualize a world in which I only eat 2 or 3 crunchy cookies of mint chocolate goodness a day even though there’s a whole box sitting in my cupboard. Honestly, it’s easier to imagine a world where Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama bake Girl Scout cookies together while singing Eminem songs. As unlikely as the second scenario is, I can actually imagine it in my head. The first situation, not so much.

Which brings me back to the idea of food addiction, something I’ve been pondering on and off the past couple months ever since I read that book, Hungry by Allen Zadoff. I’m still not sure what to make of the concept of food addiction, though Zadoff is a firm believer in it. However, reading that book did [...]

Merry Christmas

PastaQueen will not be posting today because she is currently in a sugar coma. In lieu of flowers, please send insulin. And don’t dare send any more chocolates.

A spoonful of sugar not needed

Mary Poppins sang that a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down. I guess the Tums product development team listened to her.

My stomach was grumbly last week, so I picked up some ultra strength antacids in assorted fruit flavors at Target. Technically they’re not Tums, just the generic brand, but I suspect they manufacture all that stuff at the same factory and just slap different labels on the bottles. When I got out to my car, I dumped two tablets into my hand and tossed them in my mouth before I could dwell on how bad they would surely taste. Chomp, chomp, chew, chew – yum, yum! Did they replace my Tums with Smarties? They tasted really good! They should rename them Calcium Candy. I reread the label which said I could chew 2-3 tablets as symptoms occurred, so I tapped another one out of the bottle and ate that too. Then I stopped, because I wasn’t sure how I would explain a calcium carbonate overdose to the paramedics. But I admit, I [...]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

Game of Thrones rape: Director Alex Graves says the sex "becomes consensual."
Totally agree with this article. Definitely the worst mistake the series has ever made.

Runaway stowaway survives Calif.-Hawaii flight: FBI - CBS News
If this had happened in a movie I would never have believed it was possible.

Fitbit, Nest data: How the companies are making money off you.
I don't have a FitBit or an employer, but if I did I wouldn't want them sharing information.

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