I was rifling through my mother’s cupboards the other day looking for a snack, when I found this:

I was less interested in the tomato soup than the contest advertised on the side where you could win a walk-on role on the TV show American Dreams. If you’re not familiar with American Dreams, that’s probably because IT WAS CANCELED IN 2005.

I’m pretty sure that contest has expired, and looking at the red stamps that say “August 2006″ on the bottom of the cans, I’m pretty sure the soup has expired too. This is one American dream that won’t come true.

ETA: I just discovered when spell-checking this entry that both “canceled” and “cancelled” are considered proper spellings. The former is American, whereas the latter is British, but since this post is about American Dreams, I went all American.

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“Um, PastaQueen. What did you order?” my friend C. asked as she flipped through the menu trying to make a decision before the waitress came back for a third time.

“The Ouch-cinch-wands soup,” I told her as I tried to pronounce the words “Ochsenschwanz Suppe” off the menu at the German restaurant we were eating at before attending a concert across the street. She flipped through the menu and read the description. “Uh, did you see what’s in that?” she said as though she were warning me that the waiter had spit in my soup. “There’s …ox tail.”

“I know! That must be why they put the port wine in it too!” I replied.

“Ox tail?” our friend K. said from across the table. “Wow, do you think it’ll be served with a big, stalk of hair sticking up, like a fan?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never had ox tail before. That’s why I’m trying it.” After seeing the looks of horror on my friends’ faces, I realized that after tasting so many new fruits and vegetables in my [...]

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