I’ve gotten a lot of emails asking me how I started running, and my response leaves a lot to be desired. I kinda did it the idiot’s way without any training, proper shoes, or injury prevention techniques.

If you want to become a runner (and not a running fool), you might be interested in the new Up and Running online running course that is the brain child of Shauna “DietGirl” Reid and “Mistress” Julia Jones, runner extraordinaire. If you listen to the Two Fit Chicks podcast you’ve probably heard Julia on a few episodes. Their first program is a 5K Beginner’s Course that runs for 8-weeks and only costs £35 GBP per person (approx. $56 USD). You can read the FAQ and then register here.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve been helping them set up their web site and Shauna is my friend, so I am not completely unbiased. But I think the class is a great idea even if I hadn’t coded a line of HTML!

I have been hating runners lately. As I’ve mentioned, the weather is lovely and idyllic around here, so I see them bouncing up and down the sidewalks all they time. They’re wearing their fancy running shoes and their cute running shorts and DAMMIT! I want to be one of them, but my stupid right foot has been hurting, so I’ve had to forgo any aerobic exercise for the time being.

My neurologist and I have found a magical mix of medications and behavioral habits that have been keeping my headache locked in a closet lately with only some occasional mumbles and door rattling. I’m at a 1 out of 5 on the pain scale most days, so I’ve had more energy and I want to get back into the running game. Yet, once again, my body is not on board with me. So I have to wait for my foot to heal, and I have to read people tweeting about their marathon training and how many miles they’ve run that day and it is turning me into a green-faced envy monster.

But I shall be patient, and I’ll wait for the stupid foot to get better. And then, THEN, finally I hope I can become a runner once again.

Why, it’s Jared the Subway Guy, national sandwich-chain spokesperson and Indianapolis resident! While a photo op with Jared was a good lure, the free breakfast and coffee they served had a strong appeal too. I attended the Subway Fun Run at the Broad Ripple location of the sandwich store last Friday, and as I learned in college, if you feed them, they will come:

Of course, on first try, the photo came out more like this:

Yes, PastaQueen’s crappy camera strikes again. I shouldn’t bitch though. My Canon Powershot had a near-death experience last month when I dropped it on a wooden patio. I thought it was a goner, but after I whacked the lens (almost) back into alignment, I found that I’m able to take photos again (as long as I don’t try to zoom over 3X). Thankfully the PR people at the event had a better camera and I got a clear shot.

I was given an opportunity to interview Jared, but I honestly didn’t know what to ask him, and I didn’t want to be the eleventy-billionth person to ask him, “What’s your favorite sandwich?” So, I decided to just take the photo and leave the man be. Afterwards, when I was looking at the photo, my first thought was, “Do I look fat?” Because if you’re standing next to a weight-loss wonder, I suppose that’s one of the first things to come to mind. The one thing I would like to say about Jared is that he’s tall.

Ok, yes, everyone looks tall next to a pack of grade-schoolers. But I am 5’9″ and Jared clearly towers over me in our photo, so the guy’s got to be about 6’4″.

The fun run was held to bring attention to Subway’s new breakfast menu. Stores will now begin opening at 7:30am weekdays and serving breakfast items. I sampled the Western Egg & Cheese and it was decent.

The run was pretty nice, particularly because I got to walk on the Monon Trail, which I used to run on all the time when I lived in my old apartment. I really do miss that trail. It’s also been awhile since I’ve gone to an official running events, and it was nice to get back into that atmosphere where not everyone is an athletic jock, but we’ve got our running shoes and our paper numbers and, gosh darn it, we’re going to give it our best!

As part of the event, the PR people gave me three $5.00 gift cards to Subway to give away. As your reward for reading to the end of the entry, you can enter by commenting with a question you would have asked Jared if you’d had the opportunity. Winner will be drawn randomly. Submissions will be open until 11:59pm on Wednesday, April 7, 2010.

I love running too, even though it sucks. I love the happy chemicals it releases in my body. I get a great feeling of accomplishment after I survive a race. Sometimes, I even feel like a graceful, yet powerful gazelle, jaunting across the Sahara, even though I probably look more like a chubby housecat sprinting for a bag of Friskies. Still, running is uncomfortable. It makes me breathe hard and leaves me very sweaty and sticky and stinky.

This is why I try to ignore the fact that I am running while I am running. I didn’t quite realize that I was doing, until I started reading one of the latest bestselling social science books, NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children. I don’t have kids, but it’s fascinating to learn about why humans are the way they are, be they kids or not. Chapter Eight is about self-control, and it mentions a Russian study from the 1950′s where they asked kids to stand still as long as they could. The kids lasted two minutes. Then they asked another group of kids to pretend they were guards who had to stand still at their posts. These kids lasts eleven minutes.

When I run, sometimes I pretend that I am somewhere other than a boring gray fitness room. Sometimes I am in an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, chasing down vampires. Other times I am trying to escape a building before a bomb explodes. I have even been known to pretend I am a spy trying to outrun pursuers after I have stolen secret data that is stored in the disk partition of my MP3 player. All of this is quite silly of course, but it keeps my mind off of the running and even makes running a kind of game. It’s not work, it’s play! If I’m exhausted, I can pretend it’s only 2:47 minutes to the border! I can’t stop now! Try it sometime and working out might be more like play.

I finally got my hands on a copy of the November edition of Runner’s World, so now I can scan page 80 and tell you all how and grateful and honored I am to be in it (though I’d be just a teensy bit more grateful if they’d mentioned my book or my blog). I was interviewed for the “How it Feels…” article back in July to tell people what it feels like to run off half your weight. I am pretty much over myself, so I don’t usually mention these things, but I’m really flattered to be included in the same article as people who have run in outer space, broken world records, and run dressed as a Porta Potty. (There’s an idea for my Run Like Hell costume.) Does this mean I’m real runner? I must be! I was in Runner’s World! (The full article can be seen after the jump, at the bottom of this post, by clicking “Continue reading” below.)

When the copy editors were fact checking the article, they sent me some information to review that was written all in the second person. It was sort of creepy because it made me feel like they were trying to brainwash me into being myself. “Your name is Jennette Fulda. You’ve noticed that since you’ve lost weight, people are more willing to make small talk. You run right after you come home from work on a trail by your house.”

Runner’s World must ship copies of its magazines to subscribers over a week before they hit stores, because at least two or three of you (plus my cousin) wrote me about it before I was able to purchase a copy. Neither Borders nor Barnes & Noble, nor even my local running store, had a copy until yesterday. That was all right though, because part of the fun was waiting for the article to come out, like waiting to open presents on Christmas Day. Oh, sweet anticipation! Now that’s over with and thanks again to Runner’s World for including me.

I was on the treadmill yesterday, running as part of my training for my next race, and I started to concentrate on my breathing. Usually I breathe in for 3 steps and breathe out for 2 at the beginning. Then as I get more tired, I breathe in for 2 steps and breathe out for 1. As I was breathing, I thought about the headache clinic and all the deep breathing I’ve been doing. So I started to breathe deeper, sucking in all the oxygen I could to help power by body.

I ran for 20 minutes without stopping and it seemed a little easier than the last time I did that. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. I didn’t know relaxation techniques could help my running technique, but I think they have. Don’t forget to breathe!

Unlike my first running of the IrishFest 5K, I didn’t witness an unofficial “Escape The Cops 5K” on my way to the starting line. This year’s race also wasn’t at night like the one two years ago was, so they did not hand out any glow sticks :( But by God, there were bagpipes!

I sat on a folding chair waiting for the race to start, when a thirty-something man in a grey shirt and square-frame glasses came up and said, “Excuse me, but do you know what pace you plan on running?”

“I have no idea,” I told him honestly. I haven’t been tracking the distance I’ve been running while training, just the amount of time I spend running. “Maybe a 12-minute mile pace?” I said optimistically recalling my average pace a year and a half ago.

“Do you mind if I pace off of you? I haven’t run a 5K for almost two years and it would help a lot if I could pace myself with somebody.”

“Sure,” I told him.

“I just thought I’d ask you…because you still have a jacket on,” he said, though I wondered if he really meant, “because you’re heavier than most of the other freakishly lean and well-muscled people here.” It was about 60 degrees out, yet many of the hardcore athletes were only wearing their running shorts and t-shirts. Either way, it made for the second time someone has propositioned me to be their running buddy because I’m a slow runner; the other person was a woman on the nature trail about 2 or 3 years ago.

So that is how J1m H0gan and I ran the IrishFest 5K together, though I have obscured his name in case one day an employer Googles him and decides they simply cannot hire a slow runner for a job. For the first 25 minutes, we did intervals of 4 minutes of running and 1 minute of walking. Then for the rest of the race we did intervals of 2 minutes of walking and 3 minutes of running, finishing in 44:12, which is over three minutes faster than my last run, which goes to show I perform much better when it’s not hot and humid with no water stations in sight. I brought my own water bottle this time too, and the cool weather was much more pleasant for a three-mile run. I wasn’t sure if I’d like running with someone, but it made me accountable to stick to the intervals I’d set. Otherwise, I might have chipped 20 or 30 seconds off the running intervals because no one would have known one way or the other.

My best 5K time ever was 31:17, and I remember at the time thinking it was still rather slow because the fastest runners could finish in about 15 minutes. Comparing it to my current time of 44:12, it looks downright speedy, and I finally understood my aunt who once commented on how good that time was. I suppose it’s like how I used to look at old photos of myself from high school, a time when I felt HUGE, and realized I hadn’t been that fat at all.

I improved on my last time, which was my goal, and ultimately I’m only competing with myself. After the 5K I went online and signed up for another race scheduled in about a month called Run Like Hell. It’s held at night on the day before Halloween and the participants are encouraged to dress up for the occasion. Looking at last year’s photos of people dressed as everything from a school bus to the three little pigs, it appears to be a hell of a lark. Anyone got an idea for a costume that might win me a prize, but that I can also run comfortably in?

Normally when I take a vacation, I take a vacation from exercising too. I know I’m not supposed to, but eh, I’m on vacation and I’ll do what I want. However, I’m gasping through running the IrishFest 5K on Saturday morning, so taking a week off before the race would be a very bad idea unless I owned an Irish wolfhound to carry me across the finish line. (I don’t.)

I’m visiting my brother and his wife, and their house is near a trail that was built on an old railroad line, much like the Happy Fun & Fitness Trail near my old apartment is. This trail is amazingly similar to my Happy Fun & Fitness Trail, except for the little things that make it seem like a cloning project that went slightly awry. This trail has more curves and moves up and down on the z-axis creating something I’ve heard are called “slopes.” Us Indiana folk are not familiar with these “hill” things. Thus the huffing and puffing increased cardio workout. I nearly stumbled over a turtle on the side of this trail, which I’ve never seen on the trail in Indiana. Also, the people here seem to be friendlier than Hoosiers. I got Hello-ed at least three times during my 25-minutes on the path by a mom with a stroller, a white-haired walking man, and a twenty-something with a UNC t-shirt. Must be that Southern hospitality.

I like the fitness room in my apartment complex a lot. It’s much nicer than the fitness room at my old apartment, which was located in a carpeted room that looked like it used to be part of the lobby. The new fitness room has mirrors on the walls, more machines, and overhead fans. But whenever I run on the treadmill there I get really hot and sweaty. It’s so much nicer to run outside in cool weather because the sweat on my skin evaporates in the breeze instead of soaking into my shirt like at the gym.

I only wish there was someplace nice to run outside around here. I miss the trail! There is a little path near my apartment that is only 4/10 of a mile long which is sufficient for running outside, if also insanely boring. I have to run back and forth on the same stretch of pavement several times. Sometime people are fishing in a pond right next to the trail, so I feel rather silly running back and forth past them. I’m tempted to wave and yell, “Yep, it’s me again! I’ll see you again in about 6 minutes!”

I’ll try just to be happy that I am still running. I have a 5K in less than two weeks that snuck up on me. I’ll keep running indoors or outdoors and hopefully I’ll be ready in time!

Sadly, this does not refer to my finishing placement but to my bib number. I was evidently the second person to register for the event, only after the elusive number one who I never sighted. This made me such a celebrity that a guy ran up to me after the race to ask, “Are you really number two?” to which I replied, “Yes, I’m number two!” Then his friend took a picture of us both holding up two fingers like a victory sign.

I had planned to run the Midsummer’s Night Run in Lexington, Kentucky with my old college roommate, Kelly, who lives in town. Sadly, Kelly injured her foot while riding a slide into a basement dressed as the Cheshire Cat, so I had to run alone. This was for the best because it would have been Kelly’s first 5K, and it was so AWFULLY organized that it probably would have turned her off to racing all together.

I had positive thoughts for the race at first because there was a festival atmosphere around the event. There was a kettle corn stand, ice cream, balloons and plenty of kids, some in strollers who would participate with their parents in the race. What they forgot to include was WATER.

After a messy start, we pounded down the road and passed a cop yelling, “MOVE OVER! Runner’s ahead of you are coming back this way.” The race route doubled back on itself, but the organizer’s decided to have someone yell at us about it instead of using traffic cones to mark a return lane like they have in other races I’ve run.

My plan for the race was to do intervals of four minutes of running followed by one minute of walking. This worked well for the first 15 minutes, after which the 80-something degree heat and high humidity had dehydrated me so much that my mouth was parched. At the one mile marker, there was no water station. I kept running and I kept looking for a water station. And looking. And looking. I didn’t see a water station, but I did see not one, not two, but three fountains along the race route, including this one:

I wish the race had been routed through there, and I was seriously considering making it a personal detour, but I was carrying a camera and a cell phone which I didn’t want to replace after they short circuited, so I carried on. We passed several groups of people at tables outside restaurants who cheered us on, but what I really wanted was for them to grab me a glass of water from the soda fountain. Finally, the race path went past the very end of the race, where there was a table on a sidewalk not too far away full of water. I ran away from the pack of racers, chugged a paper cup of water and then grabbed two more to drink as I walked. I then continued on and finally found the “real” water station, which was almost two miles into the race. I didn’t grab any water there because I’d just sucked down about 12 oz of the stuff, but only 2 minutes later my throat was dry AGAIN and I regretted it.

I tried to rally and keep jogging down the hard, hot Lexington streets, but I was fading fast and ended up walking all but the final stretch of the rest of the route. When I finally did run across the finish, I had to walk another block to get to the water station at the end, and was given only a brown, mushy, over-ripened banana to eat that looked like something Kroger had thrown out.

So, all in all the race sucked. I was disappointed by the poor organization and I was disappointed that I was unable to perform as well as I know I could have if I was properly hydrated. I’ve run 5 other races which varied in length from a 5K to a mini-marathon, and each one had water stations at least every mile. Some even stocked Gatorade! All of those races were during cooler temperatures than this race, so not only was it the hottest race I’ve run, it was the one with the least amount of water.

I ended up finishing in 47:23, which is somewhat pathetic considering all the training I’ve done in the past two months. I know, I should be proud to just finish. Rah, rah, rah, hooray for me. But seriously, I know I could have knocked that down to at least 44:00 in better circumstances. I was afraid at first that I was the only one who thought the race was poorly organized, but then I read the other reviews and was glad to see it wasn’t just me.

So, I have signed up for the Irish Fest 5K in downtown Indianapolis next month, which was the first 5K I ever ran two years ago. I hope to improve on my time and I also hope they will have water there, even if it’s contained in a sheep’s bladder they expect me to eat.

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By the way, thank you to everyone who sponsored me in the race! We raised $733 for headache research. The National Headache Foundation even called me and thanked us for the donation.