It’s time for another edition of Lick the Produce Section, the adventures of a woman who once weighed 372 pounds but amazingly enough had not eaten every food on the planet. She’s going to change that, and she’s starting in the produce section.

Apricots

Apricots started showing up in the grocery bins this month, so I grabbed one. The cute, tiny, yellow fruit was sweet and juicy, but I couldn’t help thinking it resembled a plum or a peach in sweetness and delivery system. They are all roughly, spherical fruits with pits in the center that could chip a tooth if I bit into them incorrectly. It’s like comparing 80′s hair bands. You’ve got your Bon Jovi, your Poison, and your Def Leppard, but can you really tell that much of a difference between them through the haze of AquaNet hairspray? Perhaps if I were eating these fruits fresh off the tree I would notice more of a difference. Instead, I eat them after they’ve been shipped from some other state or nation. There certainly are differences [...]

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It’s time for another installment of “Lick the Produce Section,” a series cataloguing my continuing adventures to boldy try new vegetables that millions of people have eaten before. People used to live off the land, don’t you know?

Parsnips

A parsnip looks like an albino carrot. Could this be the work of Bunnicula, the vampire rabbit who sucks vegetables of their juice? It also looks like on organic baseball bat, so if ever an intruder were to break into my apartment while I was raiding the fridge, I could probably grab a parsnip and beat him death with it. Now that’s a handy root vegetable!

After taking this home from the grocery store I looked up its glycemic index rating and freaked out a little when I discovered it was 97. The glycemic index is a measure of how quickly a food is digested and how fast it raises your blood sugar levels. A spoonful of sugar rates at 100. So at first glance it looked like I might as well be chewing on raw sugar cane as [...]

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