To enter, leave a haiku about oatmeal in the comments below by 11:59pm on Saturday, November 15th. A haiku is a three line poem in which the first and third lines contain 5 syllables and the second line contains 7 syllables. Four winners will be drawn randomly, not by the quality of their haikus. However, if it is not a true haiku, you will be disqualified. Count your syllables, people!

To inspire you, here’s a pic of Roni, Mo and me in the taxi on our way to the Quaker Oats headquarters, are faces beaming with thoughts of oatmeal. Let us be your muses!

Win or lose, you can also click this link to get a coupon for $1.00 off any two packages of Quaker Oatmeal. You must be using Internet Exploder for it to work though.

We sowed some oats together this weekend in Chicago. Is it weird that he never took off his hat? (Oat-kay, I might be exaggerating, but he is actually nicknamed Larry by the Quaker Oats staff.)

This weekend I had a fantastic time meeting many lovely and lively health and fitness bloggers at the Quaker Oats Living Proof weekend. But let’s speak the truth here: ultimately this weekend came about because Quaker Oats wants to see what the blogosphere and social media can do for them. It’s about commerce. I know it, you know it, Quaker knows it, and now it’s officially out there. I did not go away for the weekend just because Quaker Oats is nice, though they were definitely nice. I got some free swag, free meals, and a free trip and Quaker got people talking about their products and started some relationships that will be to their advantage in the future.

That being said, just because there’s something in it for both of us doesn’t mean we can’t all have fun fooling around together. Ogilvy (the public relations company for Quaker) did a stand out job arranging the event, keeping it low-pressure and genuinely listening to our suggestions for the weekend. I think they genuinely care about having a good relationship with their customers and I’m glad companies like Quaker are trying to engage us in real conversations. More companies should do that.

So, with the motivations of all those involved kept in mind, let me fill you in on all the silly stuff I did this weekend. I was the first blogger to arrive, which left me plenty of time to do stupid stuff like leap in front of the mirrored wardrobe in my hotel room and snap a picture of myself in mid-air.

Please note the $7.00 bottle of Fiji water in the bottom right corner. I let it sit on my nightstand in favor of using a new invention called “the faucet.” David Bowie was lurking in the bathroom, but he was a gentleman and kept his eyes closed as I did my business.

Even when I turned on all the lights, the room was very dimly lit, but it let me better appreciate the gorgeous view.

The bed was amazingly soft and the wi-fi was free, so by the second night I wanted to move into my hotel room, even if it had a weird imitation snakeskin chair.

There was a meet and greet in the bar that night and then a dinner which included chocolate sushi. The next day we had breakfast at the Quaker Oats headquarters, where they serve free oatmeal to their employees every morning. (I would save dozens of dollars on groceries if I worked for the Quaker Oats corporation.) I truly wish I woke up to a spread like this in my kitchen every morning.

Then we went through a day of, with few exceptions, boring seminars. It was like being in college again, but when I went to college we didn’t have the technology to instant message our friends to make bad oat puns or speaker-related drinking games. Basically, oatmeal is good for your heart. Oat-kay?

I am frightened to even discuss the contr-oat-versy that erupted over whether steel cut oats are better for you than quick oats or rolled oats. And Oat My God, please don’t even talk about it in the comments because I honestly do not give a damn. I eat instant oatmeal in the mornings because I’m a lazy-ass mutha’ and I like a warm, tasty meal I can cook in 99 seconds. No, I’m not going to make a batch of steel cut oats on the weekend and eat it during the week. No, I’m not going to do the other weird thing you’re going to suggest either. Seriously, don’t even start! Stop it! STOP IT!!

Um, I have obviously been blogging too long. I am now getting into flame wars with myself.

We also saw a cooking demonstration by the winner of season four of Top Chef, which would have impressed me more if I had cable. Instead, she seemed as famous to me as we must have seemed to her. Then we were off to another dinner I would never have been able to afford otherwise, a bar meetup, and then a brunch meetup the next day where I got to meet a lot of lovely readers. Thank you for coming out, especially to the one reader who tasked her spouse to brave the Chicago cold to buy a copy of my book.

I ate more oats this weekend than I have ever eaten before in my life. I am going to be really regular this week and my heart will never be healthier. I also stuffed as much oatmeal into my bag as possible, but stopped short of stuffing my panties with packets of sweet roasted pecan because I didn’t want nuts in my butt crack. I do not apologize. There is a recession on and I need all the free food I can get if I don’t survive the company layoffs next month.

But far better than the free swag was meeting everyone who attended, from those bloggers I’ve read for ages to those I just met. Sweet, sappy, but true. It truly was a great group of people. Thank you to Quaker Oats for hosting the event. Thank you also for giving me a packet of the limited edition pumpkin spice oatmeal that is available only at Wal-Mart. It was truly tasty, but I find Wal-Mart far too depressing to shop at, so I doubt I will be enjoying anymore. (Unless I find an extra pack in my panties.)

However, I probably wouldn’t have met Rod, the homeless tour guide either. As I was walking on the cold, gloomy streets of Chicago, I ducked between two columns of a bank building to look at my map I’d hastily purchased at Borders on the way out of town. Rod asked if he could help me and then walked me 6 blocks to my hotel. I did not immediately “make” him as a homeless man. He was dressed in jeans, a blue jacket, and a hat. He was well-groomed, freshly shaved, and looked like any other Chicago citizen. He said the advertising company that he was the janitor at moved to Europe two months ago and he’s been living at the YMCA for $30 a night since then. I don’t know if any of that is true, but he seemed sincere enough. Of course, I am highly gullible and a tourist to boot, so he might have been spinning this tale for years before the current economic crisis made layoffs so widespread and his story more likely.

I didn’t feel threatened by him, nor did I feel overly pressured to pay him, but I decided to give him a $20 and I’m 95% sure that money will not go to a local neighborhood drug dealer. I probably would have only given him a $5 if I had one on me, alas I’d just gotten some $20′s from the ATM before leaving and I doubt Rod was going to make change.

Now I’m at the Hard Rock Hotel. I went to the bathroom as soon as I got in and I was halfway through a tinkle when I looked out the huge window in the shower on my right and realized any businessman in the building across Michigan Street could take a gander at my fleshy white thighs. I hastily pulled the shower curtain shut. Now I’ve made a cup of coffee and I’m settling in nicely, hoping the coffee I just brewed is as free as the Wi-Fi.

ETA: @Kari – That’s right, a window, in the shower.

Saturday, November 8th

10pm

Hard Rock Hotel Rocks Lounge

230 N. Michigan Ave

Chicago, IL 60601

Sunday, November 9th

9:30am

Panera Bread

635 N. Fairbanks Court

Chicago, IL 60611

Feel free to bring a book if you want it signed. Or just bring yourself. Hope to see you there! I doubt we’ll draw as big of a crowd as Barack Obama did last night, but it should be fun anyway!

Which is why I’m glad we’re planning a reader meetup during the weekend. So you all can come by and get some free food too! Yay! Everybody wins. (Except those of you not in the Chicago area. Oops!) So, the questions are:

1) Would you be able to come to a meetup in downtown Chicago either around 9:30pm or 10pm on Saturday, November 8th at a bar or for a brunch on Sunday, November 9th?

2) If so, which time would you prefer? (Please say brunch because I am an old woman who likes to be in bed by 11pm.)

The comments are awaiting your answers. Here is a list of the other bloggers attending.

• Stephanie of Back in Skinny Jeans
• Carla of MizFit Online
• Roni of Roni’s Weigh
• Tanya of I Ate Pie
• Lisa of Workout Mommy
• Monique of Big Fat Deal
• Leslie of Weighting Game (maybe, hasn’t confirmed yet)
• Jason of Twit2Fit
• Anne Marie of This Mama Cooks
• Amy of Super Healthy Kids
• Jenna of Eat Live Run
• Kath of Kath Eats Real Food
• Lyn of Escape from Obesity
• Alanna of A Veggie Venture
• Anne of Elastic Waist