Surgeon general’s warning: Contains food

Back when I was fat I used to lament the fact that I would always have to eat. Smokers could throw out all their cigarettes and alcoholics could empty their liquor cabinets, but I was always going to have to eat. It didn’t seem fair at all. Giving up the source of my problem seemed a lot better than trying to manage it.

Now that I’ve got my eating under control, I’ve realized I’ve got it so much better than the reformed crack whores and nicotine addicts of the world. I still get to eat! Recovering alcoholics can’t even go to a wine tasting, but if I decided I’d really like to eat half a pumpkin pie covered in whipped cream, I can still do that.

Sometimes though, I make dangerous food discoveries. When I made my vagina muff-ins I discovered a low-calorie, low-carb fruit spread that was delicious. I bought a couple jars in different flavors to eat on the bread I bake every other weekend. Funny how I ended up eating most of it off [...]

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