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Name that veggie

Yesterday I was in line at the grocery store watching the cashier check out my items. The teenage clerk with slicked-back black hair picked up a clear bag containing my produce and looked for the sticker code on the item. She turned the bag all around and then asked, “What is this?”

“It’s a parsnip,” I replied proudly like a two-year-old at a pond who had just learned the word “duck.”

“A what?” the clerk replied.

“A pars-nip,” I enunciated more loudly over the background noise of the supermarket.

The clerk started searching the plastic-coated produce sheet which contained item codes looking for the right number to punch in. A burly, man who appeared to be her manager happened to walk by.

“Hey, Dave, how do I enter this in?” she asked him.

Dave stopped mid-stride and approached the register. He looked at me and asked, “What is that?”

“A parsnip,” I said for the third time.

“Parsley?” Dave asked. Granted, I’d only been able to identify the thing for a month, but in what universe could a big, white carrot be mistaken [...]

Kids under the knife

Today I read that kids recover from obesity surgery better than adults. The study was based on 309 obese patients ages 12 to 18, which makes me wonder, who was the 12-year-old? I think I’d rather have my tonsils removed at that age than part of my stomach. The poor kid must have been really overweight for a doctor to authorize that.

While I support everyone’s right to make their own decisions about their lives, I do find it rather uncomfortable that people that young are having permanent, life-changing surgery. People do a lot of things in their youth they later regret. You can take out the nose ring and the hole will close up. If you save up enough money you can have the tattoo of your ex-boyfriend’s name removed from your ass. You can’t get your stomach back.

But I also understand that being that fat that young has got to be extremely painful and isolating. The fat kids usually don’t get to buy the cute clothes or get the hot dates. I can’t blame [...]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

Please Do Not Leave A Message: Why Millennials Hate Voice Mail : All Tech Considered : NPR
I left a voicemail for my younger brother last week which he never got because he doesn't check it. When I asked him about it, he was like, "Why didn't you text me?"

Life in Quarantine for Ebola Exposure: 21 Days of Fear and Loathing - NYTimes.com
I tend to stay at home a lot, but 21 days stuck in my apartment would drive me crazy.

Buy Experiences, Not Things - The Atlantic
Money can buy happiness if you spend it on experiences, not things.

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The Making of CHOCOLATE & VICODIN
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Half-Marathon: Less fun than it looks
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