Tag: ‘pain’
January 7, 2009 at 8:48 am
As you can probably tell by yesterday evening’s entry, I have been going through a very difficult time lately. It has, in fact, been the most difficult time of my life, worse than the days when I was a 372-pound recluse living alone in a studio apartment.
People always said life is hard and I would nod and agree, but I did not understand. Weight loss is hard and college is hard and finding a job is hard. All those things are hard, indeed, and I’ve done all those things. I thought I understood when people said life was hard, but I didn’t, because you cannot understand suffering until you have suffered.
I have been suffering lately. I have been suffering since the evening of February 17th, 2008 when I got a headache that has never gone away. Some of you probably laugh a little and think, “Ha, that’s weird. But it’s just a headache. How bad can it be?”
It is bad. It is very, very bad.
It has made me cry so badly that my wailing has [...]
July 11, 2008 at 7:44 am
I’m glad my headache doctor opens at seven o’clock in the morning, because no one is awake to see me entering his office. I’m not ashamed to be seeing a neurologist, however he works in a large medical complex occupied mainly by another unrelated practice. That is the reason, and I swear the ONLY reason, I was entering a building Wednesday morning labeled, “St. Censored-For-My-Privacy’s Bariatric Weight Loss Center.” I feel paranoid visiting that complex, because I know if someone were to snap a photo of me entering the front door for the interwebs, I would be accused of being a big (skinny) fraud. I only have the most recent issue of Neurology Now with Morgan Fairchild on the cover that I stole from his office to prove where I really was.
I was at the doctor because all the IV treatments and medications we’ve tried lately haven’t done anything except make me poorer. I could have paid off my car by now with the money I’ve spent. So, we’re adjusting my medications again, which means [...]
June 12, 2008 at 9:00 pm
It’s odd to be sitting in bed writing an entry about how my chronic headache started destroying my life because right now I feel fairly fine. I’ve felt fairly fine for two weeks. I’m still working on the world’s record for longest headache, but it’s dialed down to a level 2 or 3 instead of a 5 or 6. I’m able to go about my life without thinking about my pain ever 5 minutes. When the headache is bad, all the normal thoughts I have during the day get pushed out, like flood waters washing possessions out of my house. The only thing that exists is the pain. It’s nice to have my brain back, at least for now.
However, there have been times in the past couple months when I’ve not been grateful to be in possession of my brain considering how badly it has been hurting. It’s made my life suck. Oh, let me count the ways.
The emotional toll
When I started crying alone in the parking lot of the doctor’s office in the rain [...]
May 27, 2008 at 7:07 am
I’ve had the My Buddy jingle stuck in my head lately. It was a catchy song played during an ad for a doll sold in the 1980′s. (As well as the gender opposite toy, Kid Sister.) Thanks to the wonders of YouTube you can watch it here:
The lyrics are:
My buddy (my buddy), my buddy (my buddy),
Wherever I go, he goes
My buddy (my buddy), my buddy (my buddy),
My buddy and me
Only I change the lyrics to:
My headache (my headache), my headache (my headache),
Wherever I go, it goes
My headache (my headache), my headache (my headache),
My headache and me
Remember that headache I had back in March? The one I thought had gone away? Well, it eased up for awhile there, but it never really went away. Which means I’ve been in pain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, ever since February 18th, 2008. (I still have a scar from that monster zit too.) I ran my half-marathon with my headache. I went to my book release party with my headache. I appeared on TV with my [...]
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"What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams and what we do to make them come about." - Joseph Epstein
