I was wondering – and this is REALLY important – how are the cats getting along???? – Rhonda

Well, Rhonda, the cats’ relationship is best explained through this photo story I assembled last night before I realized how long it would take to assemble a photo story.

The relationship between Officer Krupke and Java Bean is similar to the one I would have with Rachael Ray during a long car ride. I’d have to be sure to drive very slowly so the cops wouldn’t pull me over and find her body in my trunk. I can’t find any real “faults” with Rachael Ray, but the thought of being locked up with someone that hyper in a small space for a long time makes me vomit-y.

Similarly, Officer Krupke and Java Bean are locked in a one bedroom apartment all day with their irreconcilable differences. Java Bean wants to play every second of every day and Office Krupke wants to nap every second of every day, except for those seconds when he wants to eat. Java Bean is too [...]

• Continue reading "So, how are the cats getting along?"

So, uh, remember that thing I wrote yesterday? About giving my mom my cat? Well, forget that. She came over last night to scuttle him away and suddenly I was like, “YOU CANNAE TAKE MY KITTEH!!” *Hiss, snarl, spit.* What sounded good in theory did not sound nearly as good in reality. It helped that Krupke was on his best behavior, cuddling with me on the couch, and only hissing at Java twice. No neck biting or blood! That’s progress, right? The little booger doesn’t know how close his ass was to leaving.

So, I’m going to read Cat Vs. Cat: Keeping Peace When You Have More Than One Cat and see if I can promote peaceful coexistence, if not a total lovefest. When I adopted Java Bean I had dreams of coming home to find two kitties curled up together in my office chair. And it will remain just that, a dream. However, maybe I can still negotiate a cease fire. We’ll see. And if things spiral downward again, my mom’s house is still available [...]

• Continue reading "You cannae take my kitteh!"

Tonight Officer Krupke is going to live with Gramma.

I’ve given it over three months, but Officer Krupke hates Java Bean more than water and dogs and the sound of plastic bags. Several times a day there is hissing and snarling. I pick little globs of hair off the carpet because fur literally flies. There has been blood and scratched noses. Java Bean seems to think it’s fun to chase Krupke and bat at him with his paws. It’s all a game, just like it was when he was growing up with his litter of brothers and sisters.

Krupke was a stray, so I don’t know his background, but I don’t think he was socialized. I don’t think he played with brothers and sisters because Java Bean’s attempts to have fun are appreciated as much as a flea bath. Krupke makes sounds I don’t like to hear outside of a professional wrestling match. Sometimes he wrestles Java Bean to the ground and bites his neck, not in a playful manner, but as if to say, “I will [...]

• Continue reading "Gee, Office Krupke…why couldn’t you just chill out?"