Healthy eating is by definition supposed to be good for your health. I obviously didn’t get the memo. Earlier this month, I grated off a piece of my thumb while making latkes. This week, I cut myself horribly on . . .a box of Go Lean! Crunch.

Yes, eating cereal is now a health hazard. You heard it here first. I don’t know if the machine that assembles the cereal boxes was miscalibrated or they happened to sharpen their box cutting knives the day it was shipped, but the cardboard edge of my box cut into my pinkie as I was innocently pouring myself a sweet yet nutritious mix of seven whole grains. Think I have law suit material? I have now placed masking tape over the edge to avoid future incidents.

What’s next? Will I slip on a banana peel in the kitchen? Will my tongue get frozen to a no-sugar-added fudge pop? I fear to speculate.

In other news, I completely forgot my fat-iversary two days ago. As of January 15th I’ve been doing this healthy [...]

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I thought I’d penciled in the bubbles on my last test form when I graduated from college, but I found myself hunting for a number two pencil yesterday so I could fill out my 1-year follow-up questionnaire for the National Weight Control Registry. The goal of the registry is “to identify and investigate the characteristics of individuals who have succeeded at long-term weight loss.” I think their secondary goal is to help subsidize the pencil-makers of America, because I perfected the art of coloring in an oval during the hour I spent hunched over the 23-page survey and the accompanying 8-page food questionnaire.

After a point, I wasn’t sure if I was answering the questions correctly, which is strange since there aren’t any wrong answers. But when I’m asked how often in the past month I’ve felt confident about my ability to handle my personal problems, I’m not really sure what number to mark on the scale of 1 to 5. And when I’m asked a zillion of those types of questions in a row, I [...]

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