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Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

Hey, Mom! I am wishing you a happy Mother’s Day on my blog so I can post a picture of this:

This is your Mother’s Day card! You can tell because it’s in a pretty pink envelope. Which is still in my possession. It would be sitting in your mailbox in Indianapolis if I had paid attention to any of the junk mail advertisements I received in the past few weeks that explicitly stated that Mother’s Day was this weekend. However, I have a highly attuned ability to filter out most advertising, so I thought Mother’s Day was NEXT weekend. But really, isn’t Mother’s Day EVERY day? Of course it is. Which is why you will not be upset when I pop this in the mailbox this evening and you get it on Tuesday. (Be swift, United States postal service. Be swift!)

Love you!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to my mom! Thanks, Mom, for never nagging me about my weight, never making me go on a diet and never making me feel bad about my size. You’ve saved me so much money, not just on diet shakes I never bought, but on therapy I’ve never needed. You are awesome!

I love my mother so much, I bought this last night:

OMG, it’s in my kitchen! That’s right, I brought white flour into my apartment for the first time in years. I would have sooner thought I’d find a rat doing the cha-cha behind my salt canister, but there it sits. It was a required ingredient in an otherwise healthy recipe for strawberry cheesecake. I considered trying to use whole-wheat flour in the batter, but decided I didn’t want to screw up the recipe. Mom deserves the best fat-free, cheesecake I can make.

The cheesecake was scrumptious, but I felt like I was committing an act against nature when I put cottage cheese in the blender. It tasted the same after it was smoothed, [...]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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