Hey, Mom! I am wishing you a happy Mother’s Day on my blog so I can post a picture of this:

This is your Mother’s Day card! You can tell because it’s in a pretty pink envelope. Which is still in my possession. It would be sitting in your mailbox in Indianapolis if I had paid attention to any of the junk mail advertisements I received in the past few weeks that explicitly stated that Mother’s Day was this weekend. However, I have a highly attuned ability to filter out most advertising, so I thought Mother’s Day was NEXT weekend. But really, isn’t Mother’s Day EVERY day? Of course it is. Which is why you will not be upset when I pop this in the mailbox this evening and you get it on Tuesday. (Be swift, United States postal service. Be swift!)

Love you!

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Happy Mother’s Day to my mom! Thanks, Mom, for never nagging me about my weight, never making me go on a diet and never making me feel bad about my size. You’ve saved me so much money, not just on diet shakes I never bought, but on therapy I’ve never needed. You are awesome!

I love my mother so much, I bought this last night:

OMG, it’s in my kitchen! That’s right, I brought white flour into my apartment for the first time in years. I would have sooner thought I’d find a rat doing the cha-cha behind my salt canister, but there it sits. It was a required ingredient in an otherwise healthy recipe for strawberry cheesecake. I considered trying to use whole-wheat flour in the batter, but decided I didn’t want to screw up the recipe. Mom deserves the best fat-free, cheesecake I can make.

The cheesecake was scrumptious, but I felt like I was committing an act against nature when I put cottage cheese in the blender. It tasted the same after it was smoothed, [...]

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