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Twenty Ten and a winner

I can’t get used to the year 2010 being pronounced as “twenty ten.” I’ve heard newscasters use it and radio announcers say it, and the new default WordPress theme is even called Twenty Ten. It’s everywhere, and it seems so odd to me even though it shouldn’t. I was used to saying “nineteen ninety” or “nineteen eighty-two” which use the same structure. But when we rolled all four numbers over into a new century we were suddenly saying “two thousand this” and “two thousand that.” It seems strange to go back to the old way now.

At least we’re in a decade that actually has a name. It’s the teens, right? Like how we had the nineties and the eighties and the seventies before that? I find it fascinating and sort of scary that when we entered the years 2000-2009—BOOM!—the word to describe the current decade disappeared from our language, and no one made a big deal about it. It was like someone had stolen all the forks in the world and we just made due [...]

The word recycler

Photo by sillygwailo / by NCND 2.0 CC

“Sweeeeet!” I said, and before I’d struck the final syllable I thought, Dear Lord, when did the word “sweet” enter my vocabulary? Then I remembered how fat I’ve been for most of my life and realized the word “sweet” probably entered my vocabulary before I was tall enough to grab ice cream out of the freezer. But I was not using the word to describe the taste of cupcakes or the unexpected kindness of a friend. No, I was stretching out the “ee” in the middle as if my lower jaw were arthritic and needed extra time to swoop in to make the sound. I was using the word as if it were substitution for “Narly!” or “Rad!” or some other slang from a subculture I do not belong to. I began using it sometime in the past few months, and every time I do I feel as though my mouth as been possessed by a ventriloquist.

I know many books and doctoral dissertations have been written about the [...]

Confession of a slow reader

I am a slow reader.

You would not have guessed this in 2nd grade when I was the only student to read 50 books in our annual reading contest. If I only read kids books, my slow reading wouldn’t be a problem, but it takes me forever to read adult books. Depending on the layout, how many words are on a page, and the complexity of the prose, I can read about 35-50 pages an hour. A 350-page book takes at least a 7-8 hour investment of time for me. This sometimes makes me feel disabled, particularly when I have a friend who can read a Baby-Sitter’s Club book in less than an hour and coherently relate the plot afterwards. She doesn’t even skip the part where they explain where Kid Kits are and how weird it is that Claudia eats lots of junk food but never gets fat or has pimples.

I only have about 2-3 hours of free time in a day, if you account for the time I spend cooking, exercising, paying bills, and [...]

I hope no one ever greets me this way

I was traipsing along the Internets yesterday, throwing some skipping stones into cyberspace, and stumbled upon a blog entry by Haidong Ji that made me fall down and scrape my knees in surprise. In it, the Chinese author recalls meeting his native parents at the airport in Chicago where they greet him with this lovely phrase: “You are fatter than before.” Amazingly this is not followed by the writer shoving his parents onto the next plane back to China. Instead he smiles because coming from a person from rural China this is actually a compliment. His family grew up in an area where food was scarce, so saying someone looked fatter meant that life was treating them well. He revealed, “If somebody said that to me, I, as a modest Chinese, would simply say something to the effect of: ‘No, no, no, I am just slightly fatter than before. You should see so and so. He is really fat!’” Then I started giggling trying to think of any two American women (or men) having [...]

An Easter resurrection

Check it out y’all, Fatslayer is back. It’s so sad when bloggers go missing that it’s nice when one comes back.

To celebrate I shall binge on chocolate creme eggs and Peeps, assuming they have not completely frozen in the trunk of my car. 32 degrees on Easter day?! Maybe the end is nigh and Jesus really is coming back today.

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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