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The price of good health

I may not have cable, but I have Buddhist style dumpling bao.

(Or I had it before it entered the acidic wasteland known as my stomach.)

I have no idea what dumpling bao is or what makes this one Buddhist style. (There was no meat in it, so if it believes in reincarnation, I can’t be accused of cannibalism.) When they cut a carrot wedge into a star and placed it on top, they had me sold. And pay I did. I’ve kept a budget of my spending habits for over the past year. In 2007 I spent an average of $360 a month at the grocery store. For a single woman in the Midwest, that’s probably a high number. I don’t eat out much, so that represents the majority of my food bill for the year and averages to $11.80 a day. Somebody’s got to pay for a trucker to drive my plums in from Florida, because tropical fruits aren’t going to grow in an Indiana snow storm.

Eating well can be expensive. Last week I was [...]

Upgrading blog software

I’m upgrading my blog software right now, so I’ve turned off comments temporarily. Hopefully everything will go smoothly and you’ll never noticed the transition on the front end. But if everything goes pear-shaped (just like my figure), that’s probably why.

ETA at 12:20pm: Okay, upgrade complete. The comment notification system isn’t working and for some reason comment forms are showing up on old entries that I’ve turned commenting off on. Other than that, I think everything is A-OK. If you run into any problems, please post a comment here with the problem. If the problem is that you can’t leave a comment, e-mail me at halfofme [at] pastaqueen (dot) com. Thanks.

With a headache like this, I’m considering decapitation

I feel like someone has stolen one of my most valuable possessions: my health. Either that, or I have been kidnapped and replaced by someone who looks like me but does a very bad impression of myself. My doppelganger doesn’t run or lift weights, she doesn’t feel like blogging, and she sits around watching mediocre television all evening. Wait, she’s not my doppelganger! She’s me from 4 years ago! I’ve worked so hard these past years to become a better version of myself, yet all it takes is one headache from hell to instantly rewind all my work.

I’ve been hanging out with Mr. Headache for four days now. I’ve dropped some subtle hints that he should go home now (Advil and Tylenol). I’ve dropped some less subtle hints too (a shot and some prescription meds from my doctor), but it still hasn’t gotten the message. So, it’s just me and the pressure in my head until my skull explodes or it finally decides to piss off. Thankfully, my headache has dialed down its intensity from [...]

Weighing-in on January

Two weeks ago, reader Christine asked me “I’m just wondering how it’s going not weighing yourself every day?” Well, Christine, I’d be happy to tell you if I’d actually stuck to it. Yes, I totally cheated. I’m a cheater. I also used to hide notes in the source code of programs on my TI-82 calculator back in high school math class too, so I’ve been a cheater for years now.

I did hold out for a week and a half. I was really tempted to hop on the scale after I had food poisoning because I’m sure the dehydration sucked off several pounds, even if they weren’t “real.” But I kept my ass on the couch. And when I saw my little kitty looking so slender in the kitchen, I was tempted to weigh myself and then weigh myself while I was holding him to determine his weight in the difference. But I resisted that urge to and got my mother to do it when we went out to lunch that weekend. Every time I opened [...]

Ask a loser: Is exercise a hobby?

In the mid-90′s there was a TV show called Beakman’s World that ran Saturday mornings. It was like Mr. Wizard if the producers of that show were dropping acid and made one of Mr. Wizard’s co-stars dress up in a rat suit. I don’t think they ever said Beakman was a scientist, but he wore a lab coat, albeit a neon green lab coat, so it was heavily implied that he was scientific in some way even if his hair stuck up like Frankenstein’s bride.

Every week Beakman would answer science questions supposedly written in letters from kids around the world, though I always wondered if they came from kids around the crews’ familes’ dinner tables. He’d start each segment by reading one these letters like, “Kate from Los Angeles, California asks…” or “Jeff from Gooseneck, Minnesota wants to know…” Then they’d find some excuse to set off 100 mousetraps or set something on fire after telling us we should not try this at home without adult supervision.

I think I’ll emulate Beakman at the end of [...]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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