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Decaffeinated

“I need some caffeine,” my brother yawned as he climbed off the freshly purchased air mattress on my apartment floor. He opened my fridge door. He closed my fridge door. He stared at me in horror. “You don’t have sodas?”

“Um, no. Welcome to the crazy house,” I replied. This was coming from the woman who drank five canned diet sodas a day back in February and loved the sweet, fizzy poison. “I don’t think I have any caffeine in the house, except for some old tea bags. Technically the decaffeinated coffee has some caffeine, but you’ll have to drink a lot of it to get a buzz.”

“I can’t believe this,” he said. My poor brother had spent the previous day moving and needed the insane jolt of consciousness to the brain provided by caffeine if he was going to pack up the rest of his kitchen and closets today.

“Sorry,” I said. “I got rid of all the caffeine because of my headache.”

I don’t know whether essentially eliminating caffeine from my diet has helped decrease the [...]

Why diet pills are not the answer (unless they cure your headache)

I’m glad my headache doctor opens at seven o’clock in the morning, because no one is awake to see me entering his office. I’m not ashamed to be seeing a neurologist, however he works in a large medical complex occupied mainly by another unrelated practice. That is the reason, and I swear the ONLY reason, I was entering a building Wednesday morning labeled, “St. Censored-For-My-Privacy’s Bariatric Weight Loss Center.” I feel paranoid visiting that complex, because I know if someone were to snap a photo of me entering the front door for the interwebs, I would be accused of being a big (skinny) fraud. I only have the most recent issue of Neurology Now with Morgan Fairchild on the cover that I stole from his office to prove where I really was.

I was at the doctor because all the IV treatments and medications we’ve tried lately haven’t done anything except make me poorer. I could have paid off my car by now with the money I’ve spent. So, we’re adjusting my medications again, which means [...]

The headache that never went away: Part 4 – Watching my life unravel and knitting it back together

It’s odd to be sitting in bed writing an entry about how my chronic headache started destroying my life because right now I feel fairly fine. I’ve felt fairly fine for two weeks. I’m still working on the world’s record for longest headache, but it’s dialed down to a level 2 or 3 instead of a 5 or 6. I’m able to go about my life without thinking about my pain ever 5 minutes. When the headache is bad, all the normal thoughts I have during the day get pushed out, like flood waters washing possessions out of my house. The only thing that exists is the pain. It’s nice to have my brain back, at least for now.

However, there have been times in the past couple months when I’ve not been grateful to be in possession of my brain considering how badly it has been hurting. It’s made my life suck. Oh, let me count the ways.

The emotional toll

When I started crying alone in the parking lot of the doctor’s office in the rain [...]

The headache that never went away: Part 3 – Have you tried…?

Continuing from where we left off yesterday, here are other possible causes I’ve thought of for my headache as well as things I’ll probably try when I find the time and extra funds. Sorry if all this talk of headaches is giving those of you looking for weight-loss posts a headache, but this problem is affecting my life and my ability to live a healthy lifestyle, so I consider it relevant. Plus, it’s my blog, so I get to do what I want to. Neener, neener!

SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)

There’s no doubt that I get down when the weather is bad and winter in Indiana lasted about 20 years this season. I bought a special light to sit in front of for 10 minutes in the morning. It helped me feel a little less depressed, but my headache didn’t go away. Also, we finally kidnapped the sun back from the southern hemisphere this month, so I don’t think it’s SAD.

New office

I got my headache a month after I started a new job. I’m not going to [...]

The headache that never went away: Part 2 – My medicine cabinet looks like a pharmacy

Yesterday, I was all, “Hey, by the way, did I mention I’ve been in chronic pain for three months? I didn’t? Whoopsies!” For those of you sneaking in your blog reading at work, I shall summarize: my head has hurt constantly since February 18th. I was going to list everything I’ve done or considered here, but it got insanely long. (I have a headache notebook now just so I can keep track of all the doctor contact information and record all the drugs I’ve introduced into my bloodstream.) So today I’ll just cover treatments I’ve tried and tests I’ve taken. Tomorrow I’ll go over other possible causes/treatments I’ve considered and am still considering. I’m leaving out some of the specifics because I have privacy concerns and I don’t want anything to come back to bite me in the ass, even if I can’t completely visualize how it might do so right now.

Over-the-counter painkillers

Like most people, I didn’t immediately reach for the intravenous drugs, I reached for my medicine cabinet. During the first week [...]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

Life in Quarantine for Ebola Exposure: 21 Days of Fear and Loathing - NYTimes.com
I tend to stay at home a lot, but 21 days stuck in my apartment would drive me crazy.

Buy Experiences, Not Things - The Atlantic
Money can buy happiness if you spend it on experiences, not things.

The Man Who Smuggles Trader Joe’s into Canada
I'd heard of Pirate Joe's before but this article gives a real in-depth look at it.

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