For the past two Januaries, I’ve written out a list of 3-5 goals I want to accomplish in the upcoming year. I’ve also reflected on last year’s goals to see if I did what I wanted to do. I like to at least attempt to have forward momentum in my life, and having my list of goals above my desk helps with that.

Here’s where I stand with my 2009 goals:

1) Continue to pursue headache treatments

I first went to the headache clinic in January of 2009. Within a few months, we were managing my headache much better, though not ridding me of it completely. We’re still tweaking meds, but overall this goal was pretty much met.

2) Work to become full-time freelancer

I chucked my job in July of 2009 and haven’t looked back. I don’t know how I ever coped with working in an office in the first place. I still don’t have a long-term health insurance solution, but I’ll deal with that at the end of 2010. Another goal accomplished!

3) Maintain my weight with regular fitness [...]

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Recently Rebecca asked in the comments of an entry:

By the way, have you been able to lose any of the weight you regained when you were attacked by the Killer Headache? Do you think you’ll ever talk about the subject? Since many (if not most) of us were drawn to this site by your book and or diet adventures, I think you’d have an eager and receptive audience. And, as a long-time maintainer of an 85 pound loss (more than five years, and holding…) I’d be interested in what you have to say about “rebounding.”

Weight loss? Oh, right, weight loss. I would still like to lose my headache weight, and I do think about losing weight every day, but lately my thoughts have been more preoccupied with figuring out how to live with my constant headache. I have a chronic illness. I will probably always have a chronic illness. I have good days. I have bad days. When I wake up in the morning I don’t know what kind of day it will be, but [...]

• Continue reading "A day in the life of chronic illness"

The first person I told about the book deal was the HR lady. It was during my exit interview.

“So, why are you leaving us?” she asked.

“Well, I just got an offer on my book proposal!” This was also the point at which I expected to ride home on a unicorn via a rainbow, because that is another thing that only happens in dreams. I was probably the happiest exit interview the HR lady ever had the pleasure of conducting. I smiled and laughed and bounced around happily in my seat before dancing back down to my desk to reread the email I had just gotten. Then I told my boss and my coworkers about the offer and they were happy for me, and slightly stunned, but I’m sure the “I’m quitting to pursue writing!” speech I’d given last week suddenly seemed a lot less flimsy.

So yes, I have been all sneaky-like and wrote a book proposal, which I sent to agents, and one of them liked it, so we joined forces and she suggested revisions, [...]

• Continue reading "Coming to bookstores (in 2010?) – Chocolate and Vicodin: And Other Failed Cures for the Headache that Wouldn’t Go Away"

By the way, I’ve gained 35 pounds in the past year. Have a nice day, everybody!

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Oh, you want me to say something else about this? All right.

After spending most of 2008 in pain, I began to bottom out in September, eventually started yelling at my readers, and went on anti-depressants because life was a meaningless pit of shit with no drain. I also stopped exercising and started eating more, like those chocolate covered nuts from Fresh Market and the Dove ice cream pints with a solid layer of chocolate on top and an entire Papa John’s pizza and a box of breadsticks on Oscar night.

I didn’t mention any of this because 1) Duh, it sucks to talk about and 2) The times I did start to write about it I had to mention my headache and I wasn’t going to do that again, so I never hit “Publish.”

Regardless of your views on obesity and what a healthy weight is, gaining a pound a week for months on end is not a good thing unless you’re [...]

• Continue reading "So, about my weight"

Last month I was standing in line at Kroger, just like I’ve spent days of my life standing in line at Kroger. I was tired, I didn’t want to be there, and the lady in front of me was paying with a check.

As I shifted my weight from foot to foot, I was surprised, not by Jessica Simpson’s weight gain flashed on the tabloid covers, but by how I felt. My headache isn’t that bad right now. Weird. The same constant pressure was in my skull as it has been 24 hours a day since February 2008. Normally a long line at the grocery store and a bad mood would make it scream, but it was just holding steady at its normal background hum.

The headache clinic I have been going to since January (and not blogging about for my sanity and yours) makes me keep a headache diary. I record the level of my headache in the morning, noon, evening and night. They use a 1-5 scale where the numbers mean:

1 – Low level headache [...]

• Continue reading "A different kind of before and after"