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Billy the bookcase’s long short lost twin

The universe loves to toy with me. Evidence?

Object #1: The brown/black BILLY bookcase I bought on impulse at IKEA last month for $59.99 (plus tax).

Object #2: The brown/black BILLY bookcase abandoned at the bottom of the stairs outside my apartment 5 days ago. (Note: This is not the same bookcase. They occupy two different areas of the space-time continuum.) I checked the front and back and the shelf notches, and there is no doubt that this is a BILLY bookcase. Looks like he made friends with the abandoned umbrella that has been there since I moved in.

Considering the length of time that this bookcase has been sitting literally at my doorstep, it’s safe to say it’s been abandoned, probably by the college students who were moving out this week. Soooooo, if I had not been so impulsive at IKEA, I could have scooped up BILLY 1’s twin brother, BILLY 2, for free. As it is, I’m probably going to grab BILLY 2 and put him in the kitchen to use as a huge […]

Assembling the IKEA Expedit workstation…expediently?

There are several things you’ll need when assembling IKEA furniture.

A big cup of coffee (or your caffeinated beverage of choice).

Tools! I purchased this toolkit at Target after I moved into my own apartment, and it’s the best twenty-something bucks I’ve spent in a long time.

An Allen wrench, thoughtfully provided by IKEA. The Allen wrench manufacturers of the world must highly covet the IKEA account.

Patience. I have no visual representation of patience for you. A good understanding of spatial dimensions doesn’t hurt either.

IKEA furniture typically comes flat-packed in large cardboard boxes, which you can rip open to view the large Swedish puzzle pieces, a bag of screws, bolts, nuts, and a diagram illustrating how to put the item together. There is no text on the instruction book, probably so IKEA can use the same booklets internationally without translating everything. I was putting together the Expedit bookcase and workstation in black/brown.

I was able to understand the little cartoon character’s instructions fairly well, but I ran into problems connecting the wood panels with the wooden pegs. I […]

I see an IKEA

For too long, I had heard tales of the Swedish superstore—the IKEA—without ever setting my eyes upon this big box monument to sleek, flat-packed, affordable furniture. Truly, this was a wrong that needed to be righted. So, it was this noble desire (or my need for a cheap desk set) that led me to rent an SUV two weeks ago and drag Big Brother to Charlotte, North Carolina to visit the closest IKEA store.

To make things harder, the IKEA was not in my Magellan GPS. It then became a race between me and Big Brother to see who could use their smartphone faster to find an intersection near the store to enter instead. (Big Brother won.)

Then we drove and drove and drove and didn’t die on the highway, despite the high concentration of morons we were sharing the roads with. Finally, after two hours, we beheld the IKEA!

Or, the “KEA” as it would appear to be titled in this photo. It was a huge, blue and yellow store set in a large lot near the […]

Feng shui cardio

I emptied 13 shelves of books, CDs and stuffed animals on Sunday so I could rearrange my office furniture. I had to drag my heavy Steelcase desks across the room and walk two 8-foot tall bookcases into the spot they vacated, but I did it all on my own in under 5 hours. I nearly ran out of space to temporarily relocate everything during the process. I was a little worried my tall stack of library books would fall off the kitchen counter into the sink, but thankfully I did not incur any fees for damaged books. I decided the process counted as my weight-lifting for the day and took it easy for the rest of the afternoon.

I wasn’t even exhausted. I took a couple breaks, watched some Face the Nation (politicians suck), and I was surprised by how fast the whole process went. That’s one of the things about weight loss and being fit: it makes getting through life a lot easier. If I’d tried to move all my furniture 3 years ago, […]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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