Scenes from the fruit fly massacre

Whoever said you catch more flies with honey than vinegar never had a fruit fly infestation. I hate fruit flies. I hate how the little specks fly in front of my computer screen while I’m writing, distracting me from my train of thought. I hate how quickly they zoom away right as I’m about to squish them against the wall. I hate how I start clapping, like I’m happy and I know it, trying to murder the little demons. I hate fruit flies more than I hate Jennifer Westerfelt, the bully from 2nd grade who tried to steal my 25 cent plastic ring I’d gotten from the grocery store vending machines.

The tipping point came when I visited my brother in North Carolina. We sat down to dinner in their lovely new house, and who came to join us? The fruit flies! My first thought was that they’d traveled with us from Indiana, stowing away in the nectarines I’d packed for the trip. Then I realized North Carolina has fruit flies too, and these little pests [...]

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