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Oh what a beautiful morning

I’ve been waking up at 7:00 a.m. this week. Not only that, but instead of rolling over and going back to sleep, I’ve been getting out of bed at 7:03. And it’s not because I took a part-time newspaper delivery job or because I’ve been driving friends to the airport. I’ve been getting up early to exercise.

To put this in perspective, I was the girl in middle school who slept in her clothes so she could sleep an extra five minutes in the morning. I had to get up at 6:00 a.m. to wait at the bus corner in the dark with Orion. I wore contact lenses one summer, but quit when school started because it took two whole minutes to stick the little plastic films in my eyes. Those were two minutes I preferred to spend drooling on my pillow.

If you’d told me that 10 years later I’d voluntarily be getting up that early to exercise, I would have laughed and laughed and fallen off the couch and that would have been all the [...]

Weighing in on May

Last Saturday I weighed in at 187 and was glad I’d decided the week before to nix the weekly weigh-in entries in favor of round-ups at the beginning of each month. My weight has been all over the place in May, making me wonder if I should rename this blog every week. One week it’s “Half of Me” and the next week it’s “Over Half of Me” and then the week after that it’s “Almost Half of Me.” I practically needed rotating logos.

So I was looking at that number, wishing I was a dishonest person and could lie about my weight or perhaps “forget” to update my sidebar with the number. Then I thought about everything I’ve been saying lately about how I don’t care so much about my weight as I do about being fit and healthy and able to roll on my back and fling myself up to a standing position. I asked myself, “Self, do you really believe all that stuff?” And I realized that yes, I do really believe all that [...]

Ask a loser: Is exercise a hobby?

In the mid-90′s there was a TV show called Beakman’s World that ran Saturday mornings. It was like Mr. Wizard if the producers of that show were dropping acid and made one of Mr. Wizard’s co-stars dress up in a rat suit. I don’t think they ever said Beakman was a scientist, but he wore a lab coat, albeit a neon green lab coat, so it was heavily implied that he was scientific in some way even if his hair stuck up like Frankenstein’s bride.

Every week Beakman would answer science questions supposedly written in letters from kids around the world, though I always wondered if they came from kids around the crews’ familes’ dinner tables. He’d start each segment by reading one these letters like, “Kate from Los Angeles, California asks…” or “Jeff from Gooseneck, Minnesota wants to know…” Then they’d find some excuse to set off 100 mousetraps or set something on fire after telling us we should not try this at home without adult supervision.

I think I’ll emulate Beakman at the end of [...]

Last round of kickboxing class

My last TurboKick class for the year was last night. It’s odd to think that our first session was canceled because of a snow day, yet last night we decided to skip the legs section because it was hotter than Brad Pitt in the school gym. It doesn’t take too long for the seasons to change, eh? There’s a metaphor for life in there somewhere, I’m sure. I suppose the heat is why they don’t do a summer session. We’d quickly turn that oven of a school gym into a swimming pool with all our combined sweat.

This was the first aerobics class I’ve ever taken and overall the experience was positive. I enjoyed punching and kicking and flailing around trying to learn the routines. But I don’t think I will sign up for this particular class again because the drive to the location was too far. I got to experience some of the aerobics class clichés – the perky instructor, the husband begrudgingly dragged along by his wife, the girl whose tendons were replaced by [...]

A good reason to work your core

It can be hard convincing yourself to work out everyday. The burn, the sweat, the orgasms. Oh wait, did I say orgasms? Why yes indeedy, I did. The Page Six gossip column just revealed the best reason to work out that I’ve ever heard. I think registration is required, so here’s the except:

More Than Squat – SATISFIED women have been e-mailing Men’s Health, thanking the mag for a recent feature on an exercise that produces a strange side effect. “One of our fitness experts, Alwyn Cosgrove, described a great exercise called the single-leg squat,” says Men’s Health Editor in Chief Dave Zinczenko. “But since the story ran, at least half a dozen women have e-mailed us to report that they experience orgasm during the exercise,” an effect attributed to pressure on the pelvic floor. “It’s a core exercise, so we’re calling the results ‘coregasm,’ ” quipped Zinczenko. It doesn’t work for men.

In the interest of helping all the ladies out there develop their core, I tracked down a description of the exercise:

Single-Leg Squat

Stand on [...]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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