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Hard times are good for hard candy and porridge

When I hear the word “porridge” I think of Goldilocks and the three bears. I don’t think bears actually eat porridge, and I don’t think I’ve eaten porridge either. Grits, check. Oatmeal, yep. I’ve even had quinoa, though I can’t pronounce it. In Iceland, porridge is popular these days because “it’s cheap and it stands with you through the day.”

It’s also been reported that candy sales are up, particularly for nostalgic candies like Necco Wafers and Mallo Cups. Candy is a cheap way for people to feel better about the crap economy. Even if you don’t have a paycheck, you can get a Payday.

The word “economy” feels vague and formless. I can’t seen an economy, I can’t feel it, and I definitely can’t eat it. Yet, when the economy shifts, it affects everything, down to what we have for breakfast. I’m lucky for now that I don’t have to live much differently than I did before the economy crashed. I’ve always been thrifty and I’m fortunate to still have a consistent paycheck. I’m still eating [...]

Recession is a nine-letter word for “fear”

Next week they’re laying off at least 55 people at my workplace, maybe as many as 97. The news was announced a couple weeks ago and since then morale has been as high as the stock market. There are rumors and speculation over who will get axed, but mostly there is gallows humor and the unanswered question, “If I get fired, do I still get to go to the Christmas party?”

I’ve heard that at least one person in my department of nine people will probably be let go, maybe more. If it’s me, I hope I don’t cry, or that I can at least hold my tears until I reach the parking garage and can blow mucus into the napkins I store in my car to clean up messes like these. If it’s one of my coworkers, it will be strange and awkward and sad and I won’t know what to say or what to feel. Everyone here does their job well. There is just not enough money to pay everyone.

I read the news on [...]

The stock market – A photo collage in three acts

While the current state of the US economy is about as funny as the obits section, what is funny are the photos accompanying most of the articles about economic gloom and doom. You can’t take a picture of the economy, so most media outlets are running photos of people reacting on the stock market floor. Except they are all reacting in the same way, which is rather humorous when you see the repetition over and over again in every article. I would show specific examples here, but out of fear of prosecution respect of copyright law, I will instead post my personal interpretation of the art accompany articles on the current economic crisis. It is a play in three acts.

Act 1: The stocks have fallen and they can’t get up.

Act 2: Oh wait, they have Life Alert (aka 700 billion from Congress). They can get up after all!

Act 3: You may have Life Alert, but your hip’s still broken. (Stocks plunge again. The world markets recoil.)

* Members of the media, feel free to use these [...]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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