Looking good under fluorescent lights

I finally renewed my driver’s license last month. Between the 190 pound weight loss and the LASIK, I was mildly worried I would get to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles (BMV) and they’d accuse me of strangling the real Jennette Fulda, stuffing her in a deep freeze, and stealing her identity. If I had been hit by a bus on the way there, I wouldn’t have been surprised if the police report said, “There was no identification on the victim’s body, but she appears to have mugged a fat girl before she was run over.”

The clerk at the counter, who had far better hair and complexion than I’d expect from an employee of the Bureau of Motor Vehicles, asked me, “Has any information on your driver’s license changed since your last renewal? Are you still 5′ 9″ and weigh 250 – whoa, girl you do not weigh 250 pounds.”

I admitted I didn’t even weigh 250 pounds when I said I weighed 250 pounds. She congratulated me and thankfully did not accuse me of identify theft. [...]

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