Did I tell you my friend Dana got a job at Twitter? I know! I am so much cooler than you now, if only by association. The next time I see the fail whale, I’ll be sure to complain to her personally for falling down on the job. Dana is shipping off to San Francisco soon, leaving Indiana and all our cornfields behind for street trolleys and outrageous housing costs. So, I made her a stuffed, crocheted Twitter birdie so she’ll remember me once she’s made all her cool new friends. (She already met Will.i.am during her first week!)

Dolls like these are called “amigurumi,” a Japanese term that combines the words for “crocheted” and “stuffed doll.” I used the Lion Yarn pattern for an amigurumi chick (requires free registration to view). I crocheted the body with a strand of teal yarn and a strand of blue eyelash yarn worked together, which gave it the fuzzy appearance. The eyes are black buttons, and I made the feet with yellow pipe cleaners so the bird can perch on her desk. I hope it will keep her company as she is coding the future. Tweet, tweet!

My friend Jen was getting married and I wanted to give her something handmade. This was solely because handmade gifts are more meaningful because the maker had to pour time and work into the product and not at all because I’d already spent money for a plane ticket and hotel reservations in DC and wanted to give her something inexpensive.

Thus, Mr. and Mrs. Butterstick were born! And betrothed! And hitched! Damn, that was fast. Butterstick is the nickname of the panda that was born at the Washington D.C. zoo a few years ago. Jen watched the panda-cam obsessively after the little bear was born, so a gift of Mr. and Mrs. Butterstick presenting her with a butter plate seemed perfect.

I started Mrs. B two weeks before the wedding and was halfway done with her body when I realized, “Crap, this bear looked a lot smaller in the photo.” For the next two weeks I crocheted as fast as I could, ran out of black yarn and had to go on crafting expeditions for black felt and lace and sparkly beads for eyes – but thankfully every piece was finished, stuffed and sewn together by midnight the night before the wedding. Whew!

If you want to make your own Mr. & Mrs. Butterstick, follow the Lion Yarn Free Crochet Pattern for Felted Penny the Panda. You have to register to download the pattern, but it’s all free. I didn’t felt my pandas. I just crocheted them and put all the pieces together.

As I was lying in bed last night, the normal tension in my head became particularly intense. I tossed and turned as the pain became unbearable. I got out of bed to plod to the bathroom when suddenly I fell to the floor in agony and heard a loud popping sound. I blacked out, but when I regained consciousness, lying there on my chest was…a rare Portuguese tree frog!

“Hello, my name is Bob,” he said in Portuguese, a language I speak fluently after my year abroad as a Brazilian tango instructor. “Sorry to have been such a pain this past year,” Bob said. He then explained that he had dropped onto my head when he was only a little seedling, and had spent the past year incubating in my nasal passages until he was ready to spring forth out of my head like Athena, bursting forth from Zeus’s head. As it is commonly known, Portuguese tree frogs eat boogers for sustenance.

“But why didn’t you show up in the MRI or the CT?” I asked him. Bob laughed, mocking humans for their inability to fluctuate between dimensions and avoid detection by traditional scans. Then Bob made me a tasty breakfast omelet with extra feta as a way of apology. As he headed out the door in search of his fortune, he turned around and said to me, “April Fools!”

Sorry, y’all! I couldn’t help myself. You may proceed to throw virtual tomatoes at me. I usually hate April Fool’s tricks, but couldn’t resist making fun of my stupid headache today. Try not to get fooled again, k?

Nannerpus made his national debut during a Superbowl ad for Denny’s. He’s not even a month old and he already has a Twitter account, parody videos, and tribute art dedicated to him. He’s got a catchy theme song and whenever there is a lull at the office, or whenever there is not a lull at the office, someone will hit YouTube and their laptop speakers will scream, “It’s Nannerpus!” And then the song is caught in your head once more.

After a long lunchtime discussion about Nannerpus, in which we postulated that his nemesis must be a cross between a monkey and a crab and that Nannerpus probably attacks by squirting syrup at you or by lying in wait on the floor until you slip on him or attaches to your face and overdoses you with potassium, I came home inspired to crochet this: Nannerpus!

Yes, I now spend my evenings crocheting anthropomorphized banana creatures with googily eyes. This is why I end up writing all my blog entries at 7:00 in the morning. Needless to say, the Nannerpus was a big hit at the office, though I have now been thrown the challenge of making a Nannerpus hat. I do not know if I will accept said challenge or not. Either way, I think the answer to Denny’s question is clear. Is it time for a more serious breakfast? Absolutely not!

If you want to make your own Nannerpus or Nannerpi, I followed the idea behind this octopus pattern, though I freestyled it to my own tastes. I didn’t write down what I did, so you’ll just have to feel it out. The mustache was cut out of black felt and sewn onto the yarn with thread. The googly eyes were attached with tacky glue. Don’t forget to put some paper inside the octopus so you don’t get glue on the other side.