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To eat or not to eat?

I would like to avoid the bakery section of the grocery store all together on my weekly shopping trips, but it lies directly between the produce section and the meat freezers. Thus I have to roll my cart briskly past the baguettes and cupcakes and cookies and donuts and buttercream cakes, thinking, “Go, go, go!” like a child running past a cemetery at night, afraid the ghost of jelly filled donuts will grab me and force slices of chocolate cake down my throat.

Last week though, something caught my eye, something so completely WRONG, all caps, font weight bold, kind of wrong, I just had to whip out my camera and photograph it like the pathological blogger that I am.

Would you eat this cookie cake? On the one hand, there are sweet, gooey chocolate chip morsels scattered within the cookie batter. There is creamy frosting coating the entire top. On the other hand, ew, ants. ANTS! For real, ants? Not just ants, but mutant monster ants the size of tarantulas. Who would want to eat an [...]

What’s for lunch?

Last week I had cookie cake for lunch. I didn’t plan on having cookie cake for lunch, but when I walked into the office kitchen and saw the chocolate chip cookie covered in icing and sprinkled with mini M&M’s I thought, “I’m having cookie cake for lunch!” And so it was. I’m glad soup doesn’t have feelings or else my can of savory pot roast might have felt jilted.

I ate a smidge more than I would have if I was being watched, but I stopped before it was all gone and left plenty of sugar for my co-workers. Then I calculated how many calories I’d eaten and was glad I’d bought that bag of salad at the grocery store this week. It was barely past noon and I‘d already eaten all of lunch and half of dinner.

Later on there was carrot cake and fruit offered at a team meeting, but I turned it down and it wasn’t even a big deal. I didn’t even think about the cookie cake for the rest of the day, [...]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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