I’m still getting used to my new face. After my LASIK surgery I can now look in my bathroom mirror without my glasses on and see my features without my nostrils fogging up the glass. Which is good because I never liked getting that close of a look at my pores. It’s strange not having those almost-oval outlines around my eyes. I find myself staring at the reflection for 10 -20 seconds thinking, “Oh, so that’s what my face looks like beneath the frames.”

The feeling itself isn’t that new though, because it’s how I’ve felt about my body for the last couple years. After the first nine months I found myself startled whenever I put my hand on my hip and realized I could feel the edge of my pelvic bone. A couple months after I started weight-lifting I reached behind my neck to rub my shoulders and was surprised when I felt the hard mass of muscle beneath my skin. And lately when I’m standing in the kitchen stirring my oatmeal with one hand, [...]

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Back in elementary school I hated going outside. Typically going outside meant playing kickball and on one occasion I decided it was preferable to hide under a table next to the guinea pig pen instead of going onto the pocked concrete field to have the red, rubber ball tossed in my direction. I’m sure Harry appreciated the company, or at least appreciated being terrorized by only one eight-year-old instead of 30. I never understood why all my classmates got so revved up over the thought of going out into the humidity and heat. We’d spent over a millennia of evolution to become smart enough to invent the air conditioner. Shouldn’t we stay inside to do our Venn diagrams and appreciate it?

Which is why it is so odd that I was ecstatic that it was warm enough this weekend to go running on the trail. Maybe it’s because no one throws balls at me out there – at least not yet – though I did need to watch out for dog poop. Is there a plastic [...]

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I saw a little questionnaire over at A Smaller Target today and thought I’d tackle it since I’ve gotten some questions on this topic lately.

1) Do you feel that you (the person, soul, who you are) has changed since you have lost weight?

Yes. Which is funny because when I started this whole thing I was sure I would be telling people that I was still the same person, just thinner, and they were all jerkfaces for judging me because of my weight. People who discriminate against you because of your weight are still jerkfaces, but I’m not the same person I was 180 pounds ago. I’m more confident and willing to interact with the world. This is partly because I know I look better and know people will react more positively to me because of that, but partly because I feel a lot of pride and power from accomplishing such a huge task and taking control of my life. I feel like I’m driving now, not just sitting in the back seat of a [...]

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I now declare the holiday eating season over. Assuming you’re not the type of person who stocks up on clearance candy the day after Christmas, in which case you’ve still got a couple days of sugar shock to slog through. Then we all get drunk on New Year’s Eve and start dieting again.

I had a good Christmas, though I hit the snickerdoodles a bit hard, for they are cookies that are just as delicious as their name is silly. There were no bags of chocolates and candies littering the coffee table as in past years, so it was much easier to keep my body composition from becoming 2% cocoa. Family and friends fill me up more than peppermint sugar sticks ever could anyway.

Also, Happy Birthday, Cristy!

• Continue reading "And now begins the sugar crash"