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Yesterday was a monumental day

Something HUGE happened yesterday. Something very exciting. Can you guess what?

My car’s odometer rolled over to 100,000! And I managed to take pictures without crashing into the BMW in front of me or taking out the well-toned rider in the bike lane!

I love the symmetry of this next mileage number. It’s so binary!

So, did anything else big happen yesterday?

Taking the trash out…way out

I didn’t think anything could top last year’s forgetful Christmas when my family left a crockpot of meatballs on the sidewalk. But someone in my mom’s apartment complex is in competition to beat us for the best humorous short-term memory lapse. See exhibit A:

Yes, that is a bag of trash. Sitting on the trunk of a car. A car that we followed out of my mom’s apartment complex, up and over a hill, through a traffic light, and then another half mile before they turned off into a random driveway, presumably because they finally realized they were driving around town with a bag of trash on top of their car.

There is only one trash compactor in my mom’s complex, so people who live at the far ends of the development sometimes put their trash on top of the trunk of their car and drive it over to the dumpster. Why not put it in the back seat? Because it’s trash. It smells nasty and could possibly stain the seats. I’m guessing this person forgot they’d [...]

Seeing double

I am still tuckered out from my trip to DC this weekend for a friend’s wedding, but lest I go a Monday without a post, please consider this photo of my red Saturn. Do you see the double sight I see?

Yes, there are two red Honda CRVs parked on either side of me. I can only imagine the moment of consternation and confusion one of the owners must have had later when their key wasn’t working. That’s what happened to me about a year ago when my key wouldn’t work on my car outside of the Kroger. I kept trying to twist and turn it in the barrel when I saw some CDs in the front seat that weren’t mine and a roll of Smarties and oh wait, this is not my car, is it? It’s almost an argument to paint your car neon pink to avoid confusion.

Eventually, I will put the entire auto industry out of business

I make my final car payment this month, just in time to watch my vehicle’s manufacturer spin out of orbit. I’ve read a couple articles about what’s happening to Saturn, and I still don’t understand what’s going on. From what I have been able to decipher, GM will continue to make and sell Saturns until 2011, since that is how far in advance they have planned. After that… they will either sell the brand to someone else or use the network of dealerships to sell lots of different brands of cars under one roof? I think? Maybe? Yes? No?

It’s all rather sad, because I love my Saturn. Yes, it only has 4 cylinders. Yes, it barely made it up the Appalachian mountains. But it is fuel efficient and shiny and the back seats fold down and I have a CD player and a cassette deck (for my MP3 player’s car kit) and it carts me around town, which is all I really need. It gets the job done and it only cost about $8,000 and [...]

You always look stupid to somebody else

I called the maintenance man to fix my kitchen light because it was obviously having wiring problems. I flipped the switch last week, the light flickered and then died. There are two bulbs in the light, so there was no way they would burn out at the same time. The kitchen light fixture is heavy and made of glass. I avoid removing it because one day I’ll try unscrewing it, lose my balance, break my neck and my cats won’t even be able to eat my body for sustenance because I will be surrounded by deadly broken glass.

So, the maintenance man came and checked my breaker box, flipping the switches enough times that I had to reset my stereo clock. Then he got on his ladder, unscrewed the light fixture, replaced my light bulbs and before God could say “Let there be light” the kitchen was bright enough that you could see all the food crumbs on the tile floor.

“Oh, wow, that was embarrassingly easy,” I said feeling dumber than the countertop.

“No problem,” he said, [...]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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