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Tales of horror from the nature trail

Yesterday morning I ran on the trail for 45 minutes. Forty-four minutes of this time was spent thinking, “Yippee! After today and Saturday, I will never have to run 45 minutes again! Except for that half-marathon thingy, of course, which is two and a half hours long, not 45 minutes, so it doesn’t technically count.”

The other minute of this time was spent thinking, “Holy crap, I just swallowed a bug.”

As I began singing that old kid’s song about a lady who swallowed a fly, I wondered if this meant I would now have to eat a spider to catch the fly, and then a bird to catch the spider, and then a cat and a dog and a goat. I don’t even know where to find a goat in Indiana. And dear Lord, how badly would all this eating wreck my diet?

Luckily, I hadn’t actually swallowed the bug, just caught it in my teeth as I was plodding down the trail panting with my mouth open, so I spit it out into my hand. It [...]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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