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Sick day, part 2: Revenge of the mucus

I am sick. Again. This time I have a cold, which seems to have wiped out my ability to say anything funny about it. I’ll try anyway: The phlegm I’ve coughed up puts some of the cats’ hairballs to shame. Ha? No, I guess that’s more gross than funny.

In an effort to post new content despite my illness, here is a photo of me with the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile taken last July at the BlogHer conference. Hot dog!

The food thief strikes again

When I saw the cannoli on the discarded room service tray, I knew it would be mine. Oh yes, it would be mine.

The cannoli had no bite marks in its shell, and other than a bit of tomato sauce smeared onto the side, it was in perfect condition. It seemed wrong to let such a fine cannoli go to waste, so I decided to rescue it from its tray outside the hotel room next to mine and give it a home in my stomach. The only obstacle between me and the cannoli was the Shutter Sisters suite, directly across the hall from my room, open all day during the conference I was attending. People came and went from the suite regularly, grabbing free candies and viewing demos of photo editing software. I would have to be discreet, or else I would be caught by any one of a dozen women who knew how to use their digital cameras.

I got my room key out, arranged all my bags on my shoulders carefully, and inserted the key [...]

Do not ride the Megabus (triple exclamation point extremely necessary)!!!

This is what the Megabus looks like after it has been set on fire:

No, I did not set it ablaze, but after my recent experiences I would not blame anyone who did. As with most disaster victims, I had no idea what was going on until it was over. I was confused when the Megabus driver pulled over to the Kankakee rest area on northbound I-65, because there were no scheduled stops between Indianapolis and Chicago. Yes, the construction had forced us into one lane and an accident in that one lane had turned the freeway into a linear parking lot for an hour, but we’d finally gotten past the congestion. Why were we still traveling at 25mph?

When we pulled into the parking lot and the driver dove for the fire extinguisher under the front seat, I began to realize something was wrong. Then he opened the door and white smoke started to billow in, at which time I almost pissed myself and decided I needed that rest stop after all. I grabbed my backpack [...]

Off to the conference that I shall not name

I’m riding the bus up to Chicago today to go to That Conference that I shall not name. Some of you are probably furrowing your brows and wondering, “Huh, what conference?” while the rest of you are thinking, “Oh dear Lord, would people shut up about that stupid conference already?” When I think about all the hullabaloo that arises around That Conference, I feel like Samuel L. Jackson at the end of the film Pulp Fiction where he’s yelling at Hunny Bunny to chill the fuck out while she continues to screech and prattle on hysterically. (See here, 2:50 mark. Beware massive profanity and low video resolution.) So, everybody, be cool, ok?

I have this odd sense of dread about attending That Conference this year and I’ve been trying to figure out why. I suppose it’s because at its worst, That Conference is a place where people claw each other’s eyes out for the chance at free iPods or laptops, all while screaming, “Look at me! Look at me! Are you looking at me [...]

What is my blog about?

The 2009 BlogHer Conference is coming up in about a month, which means I need to figure out what the hell my blog is about. This will be my third BlogHer, and I can well remember the question, “So, what do you blog about?” which is repeated over and over in elevators and corridors and frequently at lunch right after you’ve taken a big bite of salad. I can also remember trying to figure out how to give a stranger an impression of the tone, style, and topic of my blog in just 2-3 sentences as I chewed that salad slowly.

At BlogHer 2007, I said, “I’m a weight loss blogger,” which made people give me curious looks because I wasn’t fat anymore and they had no idea how big I used to be because I only wave my fat pants around at special occasions. At BlogHer 2008 I said I wrote about health, fitness and weight loss, trying to place less emphasis on the weight part, since I was personally focused more on fitness and [...]

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Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

You Are Not A Machine. You Are Not Alone. | Smashing Magazine

North Carolina Senate race spending tops $100 million - CBS News
I've suffered through soooooo many political ads this season, so I'm kinda glad to hear we've topped the nation in spending because it sure does feel like it.

Ebola: Maine deploys state police to quarantined nurse's home | World news | The Guardian
I know not everyone will agree with me, but I think Kaci Hickox is pretty badass. I admire her for standing up to policies that are based on fear, not science.

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