Three random observations

1) My front pooch no longer passes the pencil test. When I say “pooch” I’m referring to that front potbelly that in medical circles is called the panniculus. Panniculus would be a great name for a morbidly obese vampire. Or a band. When I say “pencil test I’m referring to that silly little game girls play to see if their boobs are big enough to require a bra. You stick a pencil horizontally under your breast and it doesn’t fall then you need to grab your mom and head to the lingerie section. I don’t typically stick pencils under my pannus (it’s easier to write with my hands), but I was pretty certain my pooch was no longer rubbing against my lower body. To confirm my hypothesis I grabbed the closest number two pencil, stuck it under my belly and indeed it clattered to the bathroom floor. Same thing happened when I stuck it under my boobs.

2) I no longer have any napkins. I used to grab handfuls of napkins at fast food restaurants [...]

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