I noticed you were using Splenda again, I might have missed this but did the organic thing not work for you? Well obviously it didn’t if you’re back to Splenda :-) Was it tough going completely organic? How long did you last? Just wondering what your experience was with that.

Back in…September?…October?…according to my blog entry it was indeed October, I visited an allergist who recommended that I try an organic diet. (Thank goodness I keep a blog or I’d never remember when anything happened in my life.) So, I started paying extra money for organic fruit, started using sugar instead of artificial sweetener, and never did find an Amish chicken, though I didn’t look too hard for one. I don’t suppose the Amish have an online store, do they?

This lasted about 5 days.

It turns out, eating organic is really, really hard. A lot of our food is fake. Many of the foods I eat have preservatives in them and the ones that don’t tend to go bad rather quickly. That meant I had to read lots of labels at the grocery store and I had to go to the market a lot to buy fresh produce. Granted, I could probably buy lots of frozen fruits and veggies, but I prefer the fresh stuff. There were also basics like milk and eggs that would be a pain to buy anywhere other than the grocery store. This started to grate on me and I gave up because I don’t think my health problems are caused by the foods I’m eating and it didn’t seem worth the trouble. I’m already suffering most of the time, why make my life harder than it already is?

The brief experiment did make me realize how frequently I add sweeteners to my foods. I had to dump three packets and 45 calories of sugar into my coffee to equal the two packets and zero calories of aspartame I usually dump in there. I also became aware of how many foods I eat have sweeteners, like the yogurt that contains sucralose. Lots of diet foods use artificial ingredients to cut the calories in their products while retaining a sweet taste.

I gave it a go, but it was a lot of work and required time and energy I don’t have, so I finally cracked and started eating Lean Cuisines for lunch again, full of tasty preservatives. I’m also back to buying cheap pears flown in from Guatemala instead of the pesticide-free fruits. However, I am more conscious of how many artificial ingredients I’m putting into my body and have cut back somewhat. I’ve been off of sodas for at least two months now, which makes my groceries a lot lighter to carry up the stairs. I now eat all-natural yogurt and although it’s 140 calories a serving, I recognize all the ingredients on the package: milk, sugar, vanilla, and pectin. I don’t use Splenda all the much, only occasionally when cooking. And I do try to eat foods that are foods and not lab concoctions.

That said, I do not think artificial ingredients are inherently evil. There are many artificially created chemicals, such as Prozac, that increase the quality of life for many people. And there are plenty of natural ingredients, like arsenic, that will kill you. To paraphrase something I heard recently, every chemical is toxic if you take too much, the difference between a remedy and a poison is the dosage. Very true. Water is essential to our survival, but if you drink too much you can die from hyperhydration. I suspect the same philosophy can be applied to Splenda.

Which brings me to another question:

Did you ever try stevia extract, the new natural sweetener with no calories?

This was asked by….well, by no one. Or there might have been someone who asked, but I can’t remember where or when because my brain is a mushy ball of pain these days. Anyway, Laura was kind enough to send me leftover stevia extract that she had abandoned in her cupboards. I was trusting enough to believe it was actually stevia and not packets of arsenic. I tested the stuff in coffee and tea and I’m happy to report I was not the victim of a poisoning conspiracy. l can also report that the stevia tastes very good in tea, however, it tastes like ass in coffee. I have no idea why. I noticed that the stevia extract has a slightly bitter aftertaste when I sampled some by itself. For some reason, to me, this taste compliments tea, yet makes coffee taste bitterly nasty (or at least more bitterly nasty than it already is). I can get away with using one packet of stevia in coffee and one packet of Equal, however I don’t know if it’s worth the bother.

Does anyone else have follow-up questions for me? I don’t blog about everything that happens in my life, so it’s possible I’ve left some loose threads dangling in your eyes that I might be able to tie up. Ask away in the comments!

I was wondering what weight chart did you use when determining what you should weigh? – Liz

Asking this question is like asking “How many guys do I have to sleep with before I’m a slut?” It depends. One person’s answer is not necessarily going to be the same as another’s. Just like your sluttiness, you goal weight is subjective.

I had been fat my entire adult life, so setting a goal weight was tricky. I didn’t have a frame of reference for my ideal body weight. People who have been skinny before can refer to the weight they liked their body at best, whereas I was just making my best guess at what weight would be good for me. Plus, I couldn’t exactly go up to people I thought looked good and say, “How much do you weigh?” (Not until I took a self-defense course first.)

Instead, I took a look at the BMI (body mass index) chart to determine the range of weight that was recommended for someone of my height. The body mass index is determined by dividing your weight by your height squared. The ideal BMI is between 18.5 and 25. There are many calculators online like this one from the National Institutes of Health that will do the tricky math stuff and metric conversions for you. The BMI is not perfect, so chill out before you write that comment that says Michael Jordan would be considered obese according to BMI. I consider the BMI to be a guideline, not a non-negotiable rule. One of the things I’ve learned in life is that almost everything’s negotiable.

I set my goal for 160 because it was at the high end of the BMI charts and seemed attainable. However, as I approached my goal I continued to reassess my weight and determined I was happier at 180. This was the weight I landed at when I was eating healthy 95% of the time and exercising regularly. Just as some people are naturally taller or darker skinned or better at foosball than others, some people are naturally a bit chubbier and skinnier than the “norms.” It’s quite possible that you can eat the same things and exercise as much as someone the same height and gender as you, and you’d weigh different amounts. Some bodies are just better at retaining fat than others. Them’s the breaks. Blame your DNA.

I think it best to set an initial goal weight and reassess it as you get closer depending on your overall health and how you feel about your body. You might find you’re very happy at your goal. Other people might find they ideally want to weigh less or more. What’s most important is being in touch with your body and figuring out what’s best for it.

I should also note, that while most people set a goal weight when starting a weight loss program, you can also set a goal dress size, goal measurements, or set a fitness goal like running a 5K. It’s good to have non-scale victories because weight is not the best determiner of fat loss. If you gain muscle and lose fat, you might actually weigh more even though your body has become slimmer, yet more dense. Whatever goals you set, good luck achieving them!

So, avoid the idiot’s method of running and do some reading before pounding the pavement. Before I dispense any advice, I should remind you I am not a doctor and I don’t even play one on TV. It’s always best to consult a physician before embarking on any exercise program, yadda, yadda, yadda. I know I sound like one of those disclaimers at the beginning of an exercise tape, but seriously, it’s best to make sure you are not putting yourself at risk before starting any intense exercise program. Okay? Don’t sue me if you twist your ankle. You’ve been warned.

The act of running applies something like 3-4 times your body weight on your joints. (Someone who is better at Googling than me can find the exact statistic.) If you weigh 500 pounds, you should not be running. You’re going to break yourself. Find another lower-impact exercise until you are at a weight at which you can run. I don’t know what weight at which it is “safe” to start running. Listen to your body. If you start to feel pain above and beyond the “I’m running and it hurts” type of pain, you should probably stop.

Couch to 5K

Couch to 5K is a popular training program that gets you from your couch to a five kilometer run (3.1 miles) in two months. If you’re not a runner, but want to be, this is the best way to go. The program originated at the Cool Running web site. You start by alternating 60 seconds of jogging with 90 seconds of running walking for a total of 20 minutes. Eventually the jogging intervals get longer and the total time increases, and whallah! You’re running! There’s a big list of Couch to 5k resources here. I didn’t do Couch to 5K, but I know a lot of people who have and they all speak highly of it. And despite the title, you don’t have to actually own a couch to succeed.

Hold back a little

Most people start out running too fast. They sprint for 30 seconds, upchuck their lung onto the sidewalk and go back home. Run only 70%-80% as fast as you think you can. You’ll last longer and go farther. After a couple runs you’ll be able to pace yourself and have a better sense of your limits.

Stretch

Yeah, it’s boring. Do it anyway. It prevents injury. If you ignore me you’ll just get hurt and then your Couch to 5K program will be your Couch to 5K to Couch program.

Get good equipment

A good pair of running shoes also prevents injury. My local running store videotaped my feet as I ran on a treadmill to analyze my gait and recommend the best shoes for my running style. I’ve signed up to run a half-marathon in May, so I’m probably going to invest in some socks and clothes that wick sweat away from the skin. If you’re just starting out, you don’t need space-aged socks, but down the road you might consider it. Assuming you can run down the road.

Read expert advice

There are web sites that know a lot more about running than I do. Read sites like Runner’s World and Cool Running for more information on stretching, what to eat, etc. They can’t actually do the running for you, but they’ll get you off on the right foot, no matter what kind of shoes that foot is wearing. Jeff Galloway is a well-known runner who was overweight as a kid and has a blog for beginners as well as several training programs.

Accept that running is not for everyone

I love running. It’s my thing. But it’s not everyone’s thing. If you give it a good chance and decide you don’t love running, that’s okay. Find an activity you do love, or at least tolerate, and you’ll be more likely to stick with it.

Every week Beakman would answer science questions supposedly written in letters from kids around the world, though I always wondered if they came from kids around the crews’ familes’ dinner tables. He’d start each segment by reading one these letters like, “Kate from Los Angeles, California asks…” or “Jeff from Gooseneck, Minnesota wants to know…” Then they’d find some excuse to set off 100 mousetraps or set something on fire after telling us we should not try this at home without adult supervision.

I think I’ll emulate Beakman at the end of this way-too-long introduction, not so much with the pyromania but more with the question answering. Though if I could figure out a way to justify blowing up my toaster in the name of answering your nutrition questions, I would. I’m sure it would be a hit on YouTube. Instead, imagine me in a bright green lab coat with my hair a tad bit frizzier than it is normally saying to the camera, “Jen from LiveJournal wants to know, ‘ Do you remember what you used to do with your free time before you became so physically active? Do you miss what the old you used to do? Do you notice that exercise has taken up more time in your life or is it something that’s come naturally? Would you call it a hobby?’”

Thanks for writing, Jen! A couple months ago someone asked me what my hobbies were and my first reaction was, “Does healthy living count?” I do consider exercising and eating well a hobby, only it’s an emotionally manipulative hobby. It’s like the boyfriend who says, “If you leave me, I’m taking the Tori Amos CDs, the early stuff, not just her most recent crap.” I also consider crochet a hobby. However, if I decide not to crochet anything for months at a time, nothing bad happens. The only side effect is that I have a bag full of yarn in the corner that may become a choking hazard to my cat. No babies are going blanket-less and no children are sledding in the snow without ski caps sporting cute pom-poms on the end. My friends and family can acquire clothing without being on the receiving end of my D hook. However, if I quit eating my fruits and veggies and quit moving my ass, I will get fat again. PastaQueen no want to get fat again. PastaQueen like smaller booty! So exercise is a hobby, but a hobby I can’t get out of without undesirable side effects. Kind of like a cult, only I am not drinking any Kool-Aid. It has far too much sugar.

Back in January, I stated that one of the things no one told me about weight loss was that it would take time. I don’t just mean that it has taken me almost two and a half years to lose 190 pounds, I also mean that I spend between 30-60 minutes a day exercising and probably 30 minutes a day on average cooking. At first I really noticed this time suck, but now it just seems like a natural part of my day. I find it’s fun toying with it, finding the different ways I can get it done without wanting to stab my eyes out. I’ve been trying new exercises like my TurboKick class and my upcoming tennis lessons. I’ve been cooking strange vegetables and experimenting with new recipes. Oddly enough, when I put certain limitations upon what I am going to do, I find I can explore limitless creativity within those boundaries. I know I need to exercise, so now I can find thousands of different ways to get that done. Similarly, whenever I come here to blog, I know I need to cover the topics of weight loss, fitness, nutrition or obesity. Thinking up new ways to cover those topics leads me to some creative posts I wouldn’t have necessarily come up with if someone had just said, “Write whatever you want to.” Like, answering someone’s questions, perhaps. Sometimes rules and limitations can be freeing.

Before I ran around on nature trails and beat clumps of frozen vegetables against the counter, I think I mostly watched TV and surfed the Internet. So, no, I don’t miss what I was doing before. It’s not like the time I spent sautéing onions last evening was cutting into my refugee work in Uganda. I’m much more productive now that I probably ever have been in my life. Also, the healthier I became the more energy I got to do these productive things.

Some people scoff at the time I have to spend exercising and cooking, as though good health and fitness were something simply owed to me. Why shouldn’t I have to spend time working on my body? My body doesn’t owe me anything. I know that if I quit brushing my teeth and flossing I will get cavities. If I quit going to work, my boss is not going to keep paying me (though if he wants to that is totally cool by me). Many people want thinness handed to them on a plate, preferably with a handful of potato chips and dip included. But it’s something I have to work for. Some scientists even believe that I have to exercise longer and harder to burn as many calories as someone who has never been fat. I could be fatalistic and take this as an excuse not to exercise at all. Instead, I tell myself, “Well, that really sucks. I guess I’m going to have to run farther than everybody else.” Life isn’t fair. Oh, well. I suppose it makes it all that more impressive that I’m succeeding anyway. I had to work twice as hard for it as the other guy. I suppose if I’d been spending all this time on another hobby like building model ships, I could provide my local geese with an armada. But the duck navy is going to have to wait because I’ve been spending my time on my health hobby and I don’t regret it, though it would be awesome to see some urban fowl warfare. No more stale breadcrumbs or you’ll get a BB in your eye!

Jen also asked, “Do you get antsy? Is that part of what gets you running or taking the classes you do? Can you comment on your energy level?” I wouldn’t say I get antsy, however I don’t ever want to get bored. If I get bored, I’ll probably quit what I’m doing. If I quit what I’m doing, I’m going to get fat again, and I’ve already told you what I think about my booty size. Momentum and force of habit are some of my best friends, right after my friends who have corporeal form and are reading this blog. (Hey there, friends with bodies! You beat anthropomorphic concepts any day! Momentum never sent me a birthday card.) There are many days when I do Pilates or train with my weights simply because I looked at my calendar and saw that’s what I was supposed to do today. I didn’t particularly want to do it, but I’ve got this pattern going, so why break it? And when I bend my leg and place my foot on the bathroom counter to clip my toe nails, I recall how amazingly nimble all that ab work and cardio has made me. I don’t always like to exercise, but I like what exercise allows me to do. I’m so used to feeling good that it’s easy to forget how “blah” I used to feel all the time from the sugar and carbs and television hypnosis. But I did used to feel like crap all the time and I know if I stop doing what I’m doing I will start morphing back into that turd-like state again. I’m not so much antsy as I am eternally vigilant.

Hope that answers your questions, Jen. If this were Beakman’s World we’d end with the penguins saying something witty before they turned off the TV. You’ll have to settle for what my cat decides to type on the keyboard. Let ‘er rip, Krupke! M,m,mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (I think Krupke wants some M&M’s.)

1) Melissa asks “Can you give us an example of your daily menu?”

Several people have asked me this and I don’t feel comfortable posting that information. I’m not a nutritionist or a doctor. I don’t want to program other people’s menus. I think people need to figure out what works for themselves. Everyone has different dietary needs depending on their gender and current size and activities. I ate a lot more food when I was morbidly obese than I do now because my body simply needed more energy to run.

Everyone has different tastes too. As we discovered in my entry about the produce section many of you would trade your first born children for a sweet potato cooked in brown sugar. However some of you just weren’t into them at all and would prefer to hold out for a good offer on your offspring from a troupe of wandering gypsies.

I think you have to work your eating habits into your daily routine. If you work late hours, you probably can’t make dinner every night like I do. If you have to take clients out to dinner or go on social engagements with friends a lot, you’re going to have to figure out how to eat out without pigging out. Currently I’m making an effort to get more protein into my diet since I’m trying to build muscle, but if you’re not weight-lifting you don’t necessarily need to do that.

I think people put a bit too much emphasis on food when it comes to weight loss. It’s important to eat healthy, but it’s equally important to figure out tricks to make yourself eat healthy and enjoy it. If you don’t enjoy what you’re eating, you’re not going to stick with it. I wouldn’t want anyone to try eating exactly what I’m eating, have it not suit their tastes and then give up on weight loss forever thinking it’s impossible.

I don’t have a problem posting recipes I like, but this really isn’t a food blog, nor do I have a desire to make it one, so those posts are few and far between.

2) Cris asks “Have you ever felt trepidation or fear involving people’s reaction(s)to your thin body?”

Not really. If you are asking about people who knew me when I was fat, most of them witnessed the transformation as it happened or at least saw me every couple of months, so they are in awe but not taken completely unawares. I get congratulated a lot, but that’s not something I fear. It’s happened enough that I’ve learned to just say “Thanks!” and smile. When you think about it, many of our conversations in life are scripted like that. Someone says “How are you doing?” in the hallway and I say “Pretty good,” even if I wish I was still in bed drooling on my pillowcase.

I did recently run into an old college professor at a lecture event at my old school and was worried he wouldn’t recognize me. I don’t think he did either until I said my name. But that was mostly fun because it’s enjoyable to shock people and I didn’t even have to flash my tits to do it, which honestly are only shocking in their smallness. I also got to tell him that besides losing ton of weight I also had a book deal based on my blog. After this I thought to myself, “I have got to be making this shit up. I sound like a total liar. The past two years of my life have been an intense fever dream occurring in a diabetic coma after I finally ate too much frosting straight out of the jar.”

If you are talking about meeting new people, I am still feeling my way around social interactions where people are not repulsed by or pitying me. I was eating Cajun food at a restaurant with my brother a few weeks ago and I think a guy across the room was making eyes at me, but I kind of freaked out and wasn’t sure if I was imagining things, so I chowed down on my gumbo instead. I’m sure it will take time to adjust to the new way people treat me, but I feel pretty confident about myself in general and know I’ll figure things out. Mostly it’s just nice that people are nice to me, except for jerks in traffic who cannot use their turn signals.

I know we give other people a lot of crap about not being nice to us when we were morbidly obese, but I have to admit I am not immune to judging people on their looks. I have become a lot more aware of the fact that I’m doing it, but I still assign traits to someone because they’re bald or short or hairy or can’t be bothered to comb their hair or brush their teeth. I try to be open-minded and remind myself that I was not lazy when I was fat, so someone is not necessarily a serial killer because they have creepy eyes and arched eyebrows. However, I think part of the human brain will always be wired to judge people on their looks. I just work around it as best as I can. I cut people some slack if they do the same, but that doesn’t give them a free pass to be “looks”-ists either.

3) summer asks “I’ve never seen you do a ‘what is up with these jealous-ass heifers in my life’ post — have you experienced weird moments of jealousy?”

Not really. I have started to sympathize with priests and nuns though, because I’ve become a walking shame machine. People keep telling me they feel bad that they can’t lose 10 or 20 pounds. I’m sure the clergy can’t even buy a pack of cigarettes at the mini-mart without making the check-out clerk feel guilty for any sins they’ve committed. I’m now the go-to girl for dieting sins. I don’t know if I should empathize with these people and tell them the last 10 pounds are the hardest or if I should just pat them on the head and say “Oh, that’s too bad” or if they want me to give them tips. I’m certainly not going to gain weight again just to make them feel better. On the positive side, I know some people have said they’ve started exercising or dieting again because of my results, so there seems to be value in setting a good example.

As far as my friends go, I emphasize quality over quantity. None of them have tried to sabotage me with curly fries or milkshakes. I do have one friend who is probably as overweight as I was near the beginning. I was concerned about how my weight loss would change our friendship, but she has been very cool and supportive and goes out of her way to make sure we eat at healthy places, which is why she is my best friend to begin with. So if anyone is jealous of my achievements, they’ve been kind of enough to repress their feelings, burying them deep until someday they erupt in a fury at an unexpected moment, like at a driver who does not use their turn signal.