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My first 5K – Bagpipes, bibs, and bananas

“You’re going to have to kill me, bitch!” the man in a white t-shirt and jeans yelled as he dashed across the Quiznos parking lot. Was he talking to me? I had just opened the car door and my mother had just popped the trunk so I could stow away my backpack. Then we were going to have a light dinner before the Indy Irish Fest 5K run at eight o’clock. As a cop pursued the man across the street and another one dashed out of the Marco’s Pizza next door, I decided that, no, he wasn’t talking to me. Then I shut the door, locked it and begged my mother to roll up the windows.

“Maybe we should go somewhere else for dinner,” I suggested. A police car pulled into the parking lot with its sirens wailing.

“Are you kidding?” She replied. “This is the safest place in town. We’re surrounded by police.”

I just wanted to get to the Indy Irish Fest 5K, but I’d gotten stuck in the middle of the Escape the Fuzz 5K [...]

Training Day

So, I’m running a 5K in eight days and it occurred to me that, hey, maybe I should, like, train for this, or something. I wasn’t even sure I could run 3.1 miles, so two weeks ago I hit the trail and was relieved to discover I could go the distance without sneaking in any walking breaks when the tree spiders weren’t looking. It took me 34 minutes, but that’s okay. It’s much faster than I’ve ever been able to travel three miles, at least without a bike or my mom’s car keys.

I looked over the 5K training programs on CoolRunning.com and printed out the beginner program. (Thanks to Debbi for the hook-up, who runs and runs and never loses weight but does it anyway because she is awesome.) I decided to start the plan at the end of week one since I’d already run a couple 2 and 3 milers during the week like the program dictated. Which means I’m only going to get to the end of week 3 of the 12 week [...]

I’m not Irish, but I’m running anyway

I have signed up for my first 5K and there will be bagpipes. And maybe kilts. There will definitely be beer. I speak of the Indy Irish Festival and its 5K Run/Walk (I have chosen to run). I will not be running in a kilt myself, but several people will be two days later in the Kilted Mile race which will give out awards for Bonniest Knees, Hairiest Legs, and Least Likely to Finish. I don’t think I could win any of those categories, not since I shaved my legs for my brother’s wedding, so I’m sticking to the 5K even though I doubt I will win anything in that either, but damn it I will finish!

I have never run in a 5K race. I’d planned on signing up for one this summer since it seems to be the thing to do when you have lost lots of weight and want to prove your newfound athletic abilities to the world. It seemed a lot less demanding than a half-marathon or triathlon too and didn’t [...]

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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If, Like Renee Zellweger, You're Female and Have a Face and Body, Listen Up - NYTimes.com

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I've seen abandoned shopping carts before, but never wheelchairs.

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