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Compulsive eaters shouldn’t live in gingerbread houses

Gingerbread house

After scouring the Fulda Family archives (a.k.a. three shoeboxes full of photos), the head librarian (a.k.a. my mom) uncovered visual documentation of the gingerbread houses I built during two consecutive Christmases in my mid-teens. I know this will be difficult, but can you guess which package below contains the wrapped gingerbread house kit purchased from Target? Please, take your time.

Gingerbread house wrapped under tree

While I’d like to say I wanted to build a gingerbread house out of my love for the culinary arts, I really just wanted to shove sheets of gingerbread dotted with gum drops down my throat, and then suck on the bag of frosting as a chaser. However, as I soon learned, eating a gingerbread house is not as fun as Hansel and Gretel made it out to be.

Gingerbread house

First off, building the house is a lot of work. The roof would slide off, gum drops never quite stayed attached, and overall the house looked like it’d been built by a corrupt contractor who was embezzling supplies for the Lollipop Guild. This was because I couldn’t help but eat some of the supplies as I built the house.

Gingerbread house

Then, once the house was completed, I let it sit out for a few days so people could admire my handiwork. By the time I started to eat the building, it was stale and not that delicious. It was also hard to break off pieces to eat, and when I did they were just as likely to break my teeth.

Conclusion? Gingerbread houses are far better to admire than to eat. On that note, I wish you all a happy holiday season!

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12 Comments

Leigh Ann • December 24, 2009 at 12:02 pm

I tried building one a few years ago. I got so frustrated I ended up putting it together with a glue gun. There wasn’t any eating it after that. But it probably wouldn’t have been that good, anyway.

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Tiffany S. • December 24, 2009 at 12:11 pm

For a second I thought it might be the tubey package because that would be such a good way to throw someone off, but then the caffeine kicked it and I spotted it right away. :)

Great post! A friend just gave us our “family” in gingerbread…apparently our smaller cat would be the first to be eaten if we were stranded on a desert island. The rest are growing stale and will be tossed. Stale is a good thing! (Not that it’s always stopped me, but I have higher standards these days)

Merry Christmas, Jennette! Here’s to a wonderful 2010!

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Quix • December 24, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Happy holidays! Never done a gingerbread house. I prefer a small slice with vanilla ice cream and carmel instead. :)

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The M • December 24, 2009 at 1:46 pm

Never stop with a Ho-Ho, always go straight on to the Ho Ho Ho. More jolly, less caloric.

And I wish you:

Merry Christmas

Fun Festivus

Solemn Solstice

Joyous Kwanzaa

Awesome Ashura

& a Happy New Year!

Thank you for your blog — I enjoy reading about your adventures, whether they include gingerbread or not :)

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theantijared • December 24, 2009 at 2:32 pm

So are you saying I should not live in a gingerbread house? That stinks, do you know what those houses are going for in this rough economy.

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MB • December 24, 2009 at 2:40 pm

I’ve never made a gingerbread house but would hover around the kitchen eating the various house decorations while my brother tried to make a gingerbread castle (no ordinary house for him).

I hope you and the Fulda family have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

MERRY MERRY!

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Deanna- The Unnatural Mother • December 25, 2009 at 11:13 am

I hear ya! Even harder to build with two kids! Merry Merry Happy Happy!

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jancd • December 25, 2009 at 11:55 pm

We built three gingerbread houses this year with our grandkids. No easy task, but we got it done. It was like Goldilocks. On the first house, the icing was too thick, the second, too thin, the third–just right. They all stayed together and now look great. We do not eat them. Just have “fun” making them. Eating the supplies is half the fun.

Merry CHRISTmas to you.

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Ruby Leigh • December 26, 2009 at 10:33 pm

From what I remember it is not wise to eat the frosting anyway, since it is made with uncooked eggs.

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Tricia • December 27, 2009 at 6:57 pm

I wrote a post a few days ago about the similarities between healthy living and building a ginger bread house.

We built one recently and I can proudly say I didn’t taste any of it. :)

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Rahim • December 28, 2009 at 6:14 pm

Me and my sister tried to build one is elementary school but we couldn’t stop eating it while trying to build it.

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Sarah • January 10, 2010 at 6:08 am

“…and overall the house looked like it’d been built by a corrupt contractor who was embezzling supplies for the Lollipop Guild.”

That is the single best line of anything I’ve read in DAYS.

I saw this kit the other day at a local tea shop and it’s supposed to be 100% fool and the finished product is 3x more amazing than the Wilton ones. Of course, it also costs more. But I thought you might like to see it.

http://www.gingerhaus.com/gingerhaus.com/Welcome.html

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Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog JenFul.

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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