July 2009
July 29, 2009 at 9:36 am
When I saw the cannoli on the discarded room service tray, I knew it would be mine. Oh yes, it would be mine.
The cannoli had no bite marks in its shell, and other than a bit of tomato sauce smeared onto the side, it was in perfect condition. It seemed wrong to let such a fine cannoli go to waste, so I decided to rescue it from its tray outside the hotel room next to mine and give it a home in my stomach. The only obstacle between me and the cannoli was the Shutter Sisters suite, directly across the hall from my room, open all day during the conference I was attending. People came and went from the suite regularly, grabbing free candies and viewing demos of photo editing software. I would have to be discreet, or else I would be caught by any one of a dozen women who knew how to use their digital cameras.
I got my room key out, arranged all my bags on my shoulders carefully, and inserted the key [...]
July 27, 2009 at 10:52 am
This is what the Megabus looks like after it has been set on fire:
No, I did not set it ablaze, but after my recent experiences I would not blame anyone who did. As with most disaster victims, I had no idea what was going on until it was over. I was confused when the Megabus driver pulled over to the Kankakee rest area on northbound I-65, because there were no scheduled stops between Indianapolis and Chicago. Yes, the construction had forced us into one lane and an accident in that one lane had turned the freeway into a linear parking lot for an hour, but we’d finally gotten past the congestion. Why were we still traveling at 25mph?
When we pulled into the parking lot and the driver dove for the fire extinguisher under the front seat, I began to realize something was wrong. Then he opened the door and white smoke started to billow in, at which time I almost pissed myself and decided I needed that rest stop after all. I grabbed my backpack [...]
July 23, 2009 at 9:26 am
I’m riding the bus up to Chicago today to go to That Conference that I shall not name. Some of you are probably furrowing your brows and wondering, “Huh, what conference?” while the rest of you are thinking, “Oh dear Lord, would people shut up about that stupid conference already?” When I think about all the hullabaloo that arises around That Conference, I feel like Samuel L. Jackson at the end of the film Pulp Fiction where he’s yelling at Hunny Bunny to chill the fuck out while she continues to screech and prattle on hysterically. (See here, 2:50 mark. Beware massive profanity and low video resolution.) So, everybody, be cool, ok?
I have this odd sense of dread about attending That Conference this year and I’ve been trying to figure out why. I suppose it’s because at its worst, That Conference is a place where people claw each other’s eyes out for the chance at free iPods or laptops, all while screaming, “Look at me! Look at me! Are you looking at me [...]
July 22, 2009 at 8:53 am
I set my alarm clock for 8:30am, but I’m usually awake before then. Nature’s alarm clock goes off first when sunlight streams through the Venetian blinds on the eastern wall of my bedroom. Then I’m up and the cats are skittering about my feet, mewing as I walk to the kitchen and fill their bowls with food. I fill my own human bowl with oatmeal, precisely measured out like the kibble at my feet. Then Mr. Coffee starts brewing some Folgers Classic Roast for me as I eat my breakfast and perhaps catch a clip of Good Morning America. With coffee cup in hand I head to my office, closing the door to keep kitties out. Then I open the curtains and read my emails, sometimes in my pajamas.
After the emails are sorted, I go put on pants and get my second cup of coffee. Next up I tend to any estimates that need estimating. This requires lots of thinking and analyzing and spreadsheeting. I break down the project into the different parts, estimating how [...]
July 20, 2009 at 9:18 am
Sometimes at night, a minute or two after I’ve turned off all the lights and climbed into bed, I hear a sad mewing coming from the hallway. It is not the happy meow I get when I come home or the demanding meow when Krupke swipes my nose to demand food. It’s that sad, lost child, meow.
When I go out into the hallway to see if Krupke needs something, I turn on the lights to find him holding the feather toy in his mouth which is attached to a piece of string and a plastic wand. He’s also kneading his front legs back and forth. When he sees me he’ll stop meowing, pause for a moment, and then run the other way as I approach, either under a table or behind the couch.
I’ve tried picking him up and taking him back to my bedroom, but then he just skedaddles the other way. I’ve tried just talking to him in the dark from my bedroom when the meowing starts. This usually silences him for a moment [...]
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"What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams and what we do to make them come about." - Joseph Epstein
