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The cause of my headache revealed!

As many of you know, I have had a constant headache for over a year. After contacting countless doctors, healers, and Internet crackpots, I have finally discovered the cause of my headache!

As I was lying in bed last night, the normal tension in my head became particularly intense. I tossed and turned as the pain became unbearable. I got out of bed to plod to the bathroom when suddenly I fell to the floor in agony and heard a loud popping sound. I blacked out, but when I regained consciousness, lying there on my chest was…a rare Portuguese tree frog!

Me and Portuguese tree frog

“Hello, my name is Bob,” he said in Portuguese, a language I speak fluently after my year abroad as a Brazilian tango instructor. “Sorry to have been such a pain this past year,” Bob said. He then explained that he had dropped onto my head when he was only a little seedling, and had spent the past year incubating in my nasal passages until he was ready to spring forth out of my head like Athena, bursting forth from Zeus’s head. As it is commonly known, Portuguese tree frogs eat boogers for sustenance.

“But why didn’t you show up in the MRI or the CT?” I asked him. Bob laughed, mocking humans for their inability to fluctuate between dimensions and avoid detection by traditional scans. Then Bob made me a tasty breakfast omelet with extra feta as a way of apology. As he headed out the door in search of his fortune, he turned around and said to me, “April Fools!”

Sorry, y’all! I couldn’t help myself. You may proceed to throw virtual tomatoes at me. I usually hate April Fool’s tricks, but couldn’t resist making fun of my stupid headache today. Try not to get fooled again, k?

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away
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32 Comments

nolafwug • April 1, 2009 at 9:11 am

Just like in Spaceballs when the alien pops out of the dude’s chest and starts singing and tap dancing and waving a top hat! (er, that’s the image that popped into my head, sorry).

You are so cute! Happy April Fools’ Day!

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Robin • April 1, 2009 at 9:31 am

Oh man! I even paused Medium so I could pay 100% attention to your post. Darn it! I was really hoping you had everything figured out.

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Flora • April 1, 2009 at 9:32 am

Well, on the upside, you’re looking great! No foolin’!

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Bet • April 1, 2009 at 9:41 am

Fished me in with this one!

Actually, I was quite hopeful. Your attitude is fantastic, and very inspirational (seriously).

(Now maybe I have a treefrog too. Worth a look, right?)

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Faye • April 1, 2009 at 10:08 am

Hey Pasta Queen! So glad you found out about that tree frog cure for those pesky headaches. The remedy has been around for a long time. Just hate that more people don’t know about it. . .

Speaking of, I hope a lot of people know about HALF-ASSED. I just finished it over the weekend. How wise you are for one so young. I really admire the straightforward way you dealt with losing weight. Pasta queen you may be, but no one could accuse you of being a drama queen. That’s really refreshing in the weight loss wars.

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Crabby McSlacker • April 1, 2009 at 10:29 am

You gave me a scare when you mentioned that those Brazilian treefrogs eat boogers for sustenance. At first I read it as “bloggers!”

Sorry to hear that a headache cure is only an April Fools fantasy. Some day soon, let’s hope it’s for real!

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Mara @ What's For Dinner? • April 1, 2009 at 10:38 am

HILARIOUS!

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Diane • April 1, 2009 at 10:39 am

I’ve had the same problem for the last year and a half after losing over 150 pounds. It’s God out there somewhere getting back at us for not being “fat girls” anymore!

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Merry • April 1, 2009 at 10:54 am

But it seems like such a rational explanation!

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JEM • April 1, 2009 at 11:43 am

Ridculous! :-) Happy April Fools Day!

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Tina • April 1, 2009 at 11:55 am

Of all the April Fool’s posts I’ve seen on blogs today, yours was hands-down the one that got the biggest smile. Although I will admit that I am sad that you haven’ really figured out the cause of your headaches.

Happy Fool’s Day!

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Jessica A. • April 1, 2009 at 12:08 pm

LOL That was awesome! You look amazing by the way! You are the one that inspired me to get my butt in gear and so far I’m 24 lbs lighter GO ME! Oh and your frog HE IS SO CUTE! I want one now lol

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Bionic Librarian • April 1, 2009 at 12:15 pm

Oh man and here I was so excited for you at first! *sigh* Didn’t your mom teach you not to tell tall tales?!

(In all seriousness I do hope you experience a full recovery very, very soon & yes that was a funny explanation).

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Kyle • April 1, 2009 at 12:27 pm

I completely believed you and got REALLY excited when I read the title of this post.

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Deb • April 1, 2009 at 12:28 pm

You got us. :-)

I have to second whoever said you are looking good. You are. You have the prettiest skin ever.

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Scoop • April 1, 2009 at 12:50 pm

What a clever post. A very funny story indeed.

Thanks for the morning laugh!

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Jenna • April 1, 2009 at 3:55 pm

Ok that was pretty good.

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PurpleGirl • April 1, 2009 at 4:01 pm

Aw, and when I saw the subject line I was so happy for you! :)

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natasha • April 1, 2009 at 4:16 pm

You should of made an omelet out of him!

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Shannon (The Daily Balance) • April 1, 2009 at 5:14 pm

I totally fell for this for way longer than I should have .I mean yea, I stopped beleiveing after the ‘frog,’ but still, I’m better than that!

Happy April Fools Day ;)

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Fat Loss Please • April 1, 2009 at 9:26 pm

Haha, that scene is classic. That reminds me, I should watch that again tonight.

This was definitely a good April Fools post. Your Title is a really good linkbait. Look forward to more posts.

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Sara • April 1, 2009 at 11:30 pm

Awww…I was very hopeful you had found the culprit of your headaches :)

Very sneaky!

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Badger • April 2, 2009 at 3:52 am

Very pretty pic. Lovely lady.

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Deb • April 2, 2009 at 7:56 am

@Flora – I agree!

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Jill • April 2, 2009 at 9:34 am

Funny, that tree frog looks a lot like a bear.

:)

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BrightAngel • April 2, 2009 at 10:03 am

Good One !

Very Clever, and Entertaining.

You got me, but, you know that April Fools is unkind.

I was Soooooo Excited to think you might have found a solution and a cure,

and I was quite disappointed.

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KateG • April 2, 2009 at 10:33 am

funny! and really cute picture.

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victoria • April 2, 2009 at 11:06 am

Do people ever tell you you look like Katie Holmes?

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Quix • April 2, 2009 at 12:58 pm

I wasn’t fooled (I accidentally scrolled to the picture before reading), but a very cute post. I do really and truly hope you find what’s causing the headache from hell soon! :)

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Becky • April 2, 2009 at 10:15 pm

At least he’s a cute little booger! (Because you are what you eat, even when you’re a tree frog.)

I’ve been wanting to learn to crochet well enough to make amigurumi. Maybe this year!

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Angie • April 4, 2009 at 7:58 pm

You had me at blacked out. I am a gullible one, for sure. Total knee slapper!

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Andrea • October 23, 2009 at 10:54 pm

It seems like you have tried everything and I know this has probably already been brought up… but have you seen a dentist or physical therapist for TMJ? I have two mouthguards – I wear one all day and the other is a nightguard. It has greatly improved my life along with physical therapy and posture improvement. Love the frog!

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Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog JenFul.

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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