March 2009
March 12, 2009 at 7:45 am
Undoubtedly some of you who read that title thought I was referring to Nadya Whats-her-face, the Octomom who recently gave birth to 8 babies at once on top of the 6 she already has. No, I am not referring to her and her plump lips. I’m talking about my grandma.
Yes, that there lady done birthed 14 youngins, and we still talk to some of them! Joyce, Charlene, Donna, Steve, Nancy, Annette, Dennis, Larry, Rick, Ron, Elaine, Greg, Brian and Lori. That’s seven girls and seven boys, which goes to show that probability really does work out over a long enough time span. Now, my gramma had her babies over the course of 25 years, not 8 at a time. My aunts and uncles have limited themselves to 3 offspring a piece at the most, suggesting they were not so fond of the situation as to repeat it themselves. So, it’s certainly a different situation than the octomom. Stilll, I always feel a bit odd when people say something like, “That’s crazy! Can you believe she [...]
March 10, 2009 at 8:46 am
They sometimes made us play a game in school. (Although school is the real game.) The teacher would hand out a flyer describing the problem which was this: 12 people with 12 different occupations are stranded on a desert island that can only support 6 people. Who gets to stay on the island? Of course, they never explained how we were going to get rid of the other 6 people. Drowning? An “accidental” blow to the head in the coconut grove?
The survivors occupations were something like this: doctor, lawyer, small electronics repair man, plumber, realtor, etc. etc. Which got me thinking – if I were placed in the scenario, I’d better learn how to swim. “But I know CSS!” is not a winning argument against the person who knows how to suture.
Sometimes I wonder how I would fare if the world sunk into a post-apocalyptic nightmare. You know, if the economy totally collapses and I had to fight off neighbors who wanted to eat my cats. That sort of thing. I don’t think I’d do [...]
March 8, 2009 at 5:40 pm
It was 12:38 and I wasn’t starving, shocking me enough to interrupt my typing. I double checked the clock in my system tray. How bizarre, I thought. I always get hungry by noon. Before I could blame one of my medications for lack of appetite, I realized there was an answer that didn’t involve reuptake inhibitors.
It was Daylight Saving Time.
While my computer clock said it was 12:38, my body clock said it was 11:38, so I got up to eat both earlier and later than usual. It happened again that evening after my short-term memory had cleared my earlier realization and I momentarily was amazed that I hadn’t eaten anything by 7pm.
These tricks with time made me realize how linked my eating is to the clock. I eat breakfast at around 7:30. I have a mid-morning snack, but don’t eat lunch until noon. Then there is the afternoon snack and dinner right when I get home. It’s not timed to the second, but I eat on a regular schedule. I wasn’t entirely conscious of it [...]
March 6, 2009 at 8:38 am
As my life gets more complicated, so does my tax return.
When I first entered the work force and I had to fill out a W-2 form, I looked at it in cross-eyed confusion. Exemptions? Wha’? When I got my first pay check I was giddy and excited…until I saw all the money they took out for taxes. And when tax season came I only filed a return because my mother told me to. She volunteered to be my personal accountant and didn’t charge me any fees. I just signed my name on the line and trusted that she knew what she was doing.
Then I started to make money outside of my full-time job and became utterly confused about Schedule C’s and 1099 forms and self-employment tax. Was I supposed to be making estimated tax payments during the year? Huh? What? So I eventually cracked 6 years ago and paid $20 for software instead of trying to read and understand all the forms. TaxAct asks me odd questions, like whether I own farm equipment or if [...]
March 4, 2009 at 7:44 am
It is a sad time to be a Girl Scout. First cookie sales are down due to the recession, and now they’re taking away the badges!
The biggest change is last year’s debut of Journeys, a pilot curriculum that will mostly replace the system of earning badges on specific topics. Girls still will be able to earn badges if they want, but Journeys rarely mentions them, focusing instead on broader themes, including teamwork and healthy living.
What kind of farce is this? Healthy living lectures from the demon distributors of Samoas and Thin Mints and Tagalongs? Ha! They can talk as much as they want about teamwork, but I remember what Girl Scouts was really about – tacky glue, fights over who lit the match to start the campfire, and BADGES. Lots and lots of badges. So many badges that yo’ mamma better learn to sew.
Here I am in 2nd grade in my Brownie Girl Scout jumper, with matching shoes, socks and striped shirt. I was the kind of Brownie you can’t eat. (If you’re not a [...]
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