I make my final car payment this month, just in time to watch my vehicle’s manufacturer spin out of orbit. I’ve read a couple articles about what’s happening to Saturn, and I still don’t understand what’s going on. From what I have been able to decipher, GM will continue to make and sell Saturns until 2011, since that is how far in advance they have planned. After that… they will either sell the brand to someone else or use the network of dealerships to sell lots of different brands of cars under one roof? I think? Maybe? Yes? No?

It’s all rather sad, because I love my Saturn. Yes, it only has 4 cylinders. Yes, it barely made it up the Appalachian mountains. But it is fuel efficient and shiny and the back seats fold down and I have a CD player and a cassette deck (for my MP3 player’s car kit) and it carts me around town, which is all I really need. It gets the job done and it only cost about $8,000 and [...]

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I am a quiet person.

You would not know this by reading my blog. Here I’m all, “Blah, blah, blah, chocolate, blah, blah, blah, headache,” but when I’m not typing on my laptop, I tend to keep my mouth shut. I tend to keep my mouth shut when I’m typing on my laptop too because talking while typing is weird.

To be a quiet person is to always be defending your right to silence. No, there is nothing wrong with me. If I don’t have anything to say, I don’t say anything, and I’m often thinking things I know better than to say out loud. But to be quiet is to be thought defective or stupid. It’s having a Kindergarten teacher who wants to hold you back because you don’t socialize with the other kids. (Who wants to chat with Kindergarteners anyway?) It’s having a professor tell you, “I always worry about the quiet ones.” It’s riding in elevators, knowing you’re supposed to chat about how cold it’s been but not being able to bring yourself [...]

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Sick days always sound like much more fun until you are actually sick. I have caught whatever bacteria or virus we’ve been sending around the office like YouTube links. So, I don’t feel up to writing any entries today.

I tried to make a video of me using a neti pot last night for your enjoyment, but the batteries died halfway through and it’s damn hard to videotape yourself while using a neti pot anyway. Plus the cats were swarming around me, fascinated by the water flowing out of my nose, blocking my light. Instead, here is a video of some other dude using a neti pot, though I do not share his experimental nature.

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I don’t know how our parents, or even our older siblings, got through the work day without the Internet. A funny YouTube video or a LOL Cat can lighten spirits weighed down by a heavy workload. Lately our Internet savior has been…the Nannerpus!

Nannerpus made his national debut during a Superbowl ad for Denny’s. He’s not even a month old and he already has a Twitter account, parody videos, and tribute art dedicated to him. He’s got a catchy theme song and whenever there is a lull at the office, or whenever there is not a lull at the office, someone will hit YouTube and their laptop speakers will scream, “It’s Nannerpus!” And then the song is caught in your head once more.

After a long lunchtime discussion about Nannerpus, in which we postulated that his nemesis must be a cross between a monkey and a crab and that Nannerpus probably attacks by squirting syrup at you or by lying in wait on the floor until you slip on him or attaches to your face and [...]

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I first heard the song as I was driving to or from no place important. When Mike Doughty sang, “I went to school with 27 Jennifers, 16 Jens, 10 Jennys,” I felt a connection, like two Lego blocks snapping together, because I too went to school with at least 27 Jennifers, 16 Jens, 10 Jennys. In my birth year of 1980, the most popular girl’s name in America was “Jennifer.” You couldn’t avoid a Jennifer without bumping into a Sara(h) or an Amanda first.

This was a problem because for the better half of the 80′s I went by the nickname “Jenny” (or Jenny Sue if you went far enough south). There was always another Jenny in the class. There are few things that can make you feel less like the special little snowflake you are than to sit in a classroom with three other girls who have the same name as you. To differentiate between us, teachers and classmates would use our last initials, so I became Jenny F.

Ugh.

Jenny EFF. It’s so harsh. Not cute [...]

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