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A Christmas mystery

It was so bizarre yesterday driving past stores to see entire parking lots deserted. It felt like a post-Armageddon world and made me slightly paranoid zombies might start marching down the road at any moment.

There was no mystery as to why the parking lots were deserted. Everyone deserves a day off from time to time, even if it means I have to go to Walgreens to buy drinks for Christmas dinner and wait in line behind the slowest walking people ever. However, I did encounter a small pre-Christmas mystery when I saw this on the sidewalk as I was walking to the YMCA during work on Tuesday:

Hairy street

I’ve seen shoes on the side of the road before, and sometimes even t-shirts or hats, but hair? Someone lost their hair? How did this happen? What were the events leading up to my discovery of a hairpiece on the side of the road. Dear readers, please regale me with tales of how this could have happened in the comments, for I am at a loss.

PS – Happy birthday, Cristy!

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16 Comments

fat bridesmaid • December 26, 2008 at 10:00 am

Looks to me like someone participated in a bitchin’ Merry-Christmas-Head-Banging contest and got a little carried away.

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Paula • December 26, 2008 at 10:14 am

Well, not sure about that mystery, but in my third grade classroom, the past few years I have had hair pieces on my floor on more than one ocassion! When I started teaching 15 years ago, I never thought I would be holding up an extension and asking my class, “Who’s hair is this?” (Two years ago this happened, and it actually could have been one of 3 students!) This year, when I have found the hair, I knew whose it was, since I only have one that wears extensions at times!

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Rah • December 26, 2008 at 10:39 am

It was a dark pre-holiday night, and the wind whipped between the buildings in downtown Indianapolis. The elderly gentleman, his mission to buy candy canes for his two grandsons, clutched the two dollars in his pocket. It was all he had to buy something for the boys, but in his heart he was composing a story to go along with his gift, about the great Depression and how grateful he and his six sisters had been to find a candy cane in their stockings. He knew he looked ridiculous wearing the dark colored rug over his balding pate, knew it didn’t match the fringes of silvery white that remained. But since losing his home and car, he was grateful for the warmth it provided. Suddenly, a gust of wind swooped the hairpiece upward toward the twinkling windows of a nearby office building. With his now-freezing head uncovered, he shivered violently in the bitter cold. Smiling bravely to himself, he thought “I guess someone needed it worse than I do.” He looked upward at a star and wished that the person who found it would find some meaning in it, and slipped silently into the nearby Walgreens and headed for the candy aisle.

[Okay, someone else writes the next paragraph.]

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Bella • December 26, 2008 at 11:34 am

Sounds like the ultimate Bad Hair Day to me. :)

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Laska • December 26, 2008 at 1:52 pm

Next paragraph…

While perusing the candy isle, lingering near the Almond Roca, Bob (the elderly gentlemans name) noticed that going bare naked (on his head) in public suddenly felt… free. He thought about how long he had hidden behind that rug on his head, the money and time it had robbed him of and how silly it all really was. Then he looked down at his gut, which softly lapped over his belt. He wondered how it would feel to be free of that also. So, he made up his mind, right there in Walgreens to…

Next paragraph anyone?

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Maria • December 26, 2008 at 2:55 pm

jennette – i received your book for christmas!! i told my mom about your blog and she got me the book. i am so excited to read it because i love your blog so much!

thanks!

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Merry • December 26, 2008 at 3:04 pm

So that’s where it went! Dang, that had been in my family for years. It was a family hair-loom.

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Jamie • December 26, 2008 at 7:52 pm

I dunno how it got in the parking lot, but maybe it came from the same mysterious faux hair fairy that left pieces of a weave on the bus in Chicago earlier this year. Now that I ride the bus more regularly this year since I have moved further away from school, I’ve seen weirder things.

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Susan • December 26, 2008 at 8:27 pm

Someone flipped her wig?

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Carey • December 26, 2008 at 9:07 pm

yeah, or it slipped their mind?

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PurpleGirl • December 27, 2008 at 2:47 am

Possibly a bigger mystery: The large dildo I saw lying in the middle of the highway. Weird things in the street seems to be common this week!

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CASiZE • December 27, 2008 at 10:34 am

Next paragraph…

…to eat more wisely and to do more walking. In fact, as he was leaving Walgreen’s with his candy canes he decided to take a longer path to his car. As he walked past the darkened shop windows with their brightly lighted Christmas displays still blinking, he ponderedf the offer his son, Bob Jr., had repeatedly made to let Bob come live with him and the boys and work in his chocolate factory. Could Bob Sr. set aside his pride and his love for chocolate to finally begin his life anew?……

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Heather • December 28, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Samantha, a sweet 25 year old girl, was dressed up for her part as one of the wise-men for her churches’ Christmas pageant final dress rehearsal. The prop master was ill-prepared; he asked the wise-men to find their own frankincense, myrrh, and the other thing. Sam, a chronic overachiever, volunteered to purchase all of the items. She had tried the perfumeria, victoria’s secret, wal-mart to no avail. On the way to church she made one last effort at Walgreens. After all they had saved her during the Easter play when she needed rabbit food.

Walgreens was empty and she couldn’t find a sales associate so she waited in line behind a woman buying ten 2 liter bottles of soda to ask. The brown haired woman forgot her credit card in the car. Her feet were wet upon her return.

Samantha was denied by the sales associate, then laughed at. She tried to run but the long robe of her costume caught her shoe and she fell into the puddle left by the soda loving yet forgetful woman. The water seeped into the adhesive holding on her wise man hair. Just like the prop master, the make-up man was inexperienced and he did not use spirit gum to hold the wig.

The wind picked up as she fled down the sidewalk to her car. The hairpiece, loose from the water, gave way and fell. Sam knelt down and cried. Figuring that the spirit of Christmas was more important than looking the part, she gathered herself and went to the pageant anyway. Upon her arrival the other two wise men pelted her with garland and sugar cookies. Mary and Joseph threw the plastic Baby Jesus at her. The pageant ruined and the rest of the cast on a witch hunt she fled. Rabbi Cohen of Temple Beth Or granted her asylum. The President of the Sisterhood gave her a latke with applesauce and sour cream. The ladies promised her that kugel tastes better and is less fattening than egg-nog. They also gave her the part of Hammentashen for the Purim Play.

She has begun the conversion process.

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Mary Jean • December 28, 2008 at 7:30 pm

Ummm… has anyone seen Brittany Spears?

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Esmeralda • December 28, 2008 at 10:07 pm

Real hair or fake? Did you touch it and find out? I think I would… but…. well, that’s just me.

Once when I was trying to grow my hair out and I was very unhappy with the way it looked (monkey) I got a “fake hair schrunchee” (kind of like this one but black and curly http://www.disneypopsdelights.co.uk/images/st/st_7.jpg)

Anyhow, if it’s fake, those things can be easy as hell to lose. WEIRD AS HELL TO FIND, yes- but easy to lose.

If it’s real…… I can’t even imagine.

Once I found a dress abandoned on the street stuffed with newspaper. I had the same level of creeped out from that that I would get if I found hair:

http://pics.livejournal.com/esmeralda_m/pic/0003r842/g21

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asithi • December 29, 2008 at 4:42 pm

Two weeks ago, a friend of my sister’s was being mugged by a woman. Another friend ran over to help and grabbed the woman by the hair. The next thing he knew, he was holding a the mugger’s weave while the mugger ran off. He was too shock to even give chase. Before watching Top Model, I never knew that some women wear weaves or extensions (aka. fake hair) all the time.

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Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog JenFul.

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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