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New York, New York

“10 seconds, move, move!” the stage manager said. I dashed across The Early Show set so fast that I didn’t notice that I’d scurried within three feet of Rick Springfield, let alone have enough time to lick him. I was so focused on reaching the white chairs that I tuned out all 80’s pop stars and heartthrobs in the vicinity. Then I tried to smile cutely for the camera, pretending I didn’t have an odd electronic device stuck in my ear, as they did a live tease of me before my segment. Then the delightful Maggie Rodriguez was interviewing me and I can’t even remember what I said, though I noticed both Maggie and I were wearing black tank tops and I FINALLY got to say the name of my book on national television. CBS is kick-ass when it comes to Half-Assed, and I mean that in a good way. Then the interview was over and I wandered off stage as Rick Springfield stuffed “Jessie’s Girl” in my head and left it there for the rest of the day.

Me, Maggie and the teleprompter

Rick Springfield

Rick and his band also hogged the green room, so I was sent to a conference room downstairs instead where I watched six televisions as I prepared for my interview. The odd thing about waiting to go on TV is that someone will walk down the hallway, wave hello to you, and then wander onto your TV screen, as if they turned the corner, ate a shrinking pill and crawled through a secret passage behind the entertainment center.

Secondary green room

The most unexpected thing about the experience is that I forgot to bring my fat pants. This is why you should not pack 6 hours before you’re leaving for the airport, especially if you’re spending 3 of those hours sleeping. I considered buying a similar pair of pants in New York to wave around for the cameras (being sure to say they were not the actual pants, just a pair in the same size). However, this idea only occurred after 9pm and I didn’t know anywhere to buy size 32 pants late on a Wednesday night. They don’t sell fake fat pants on the street next to knock-off designer bags.

It’s just as well, because I had a great time at Swizz instead, the fondue and wine bar, where I met some readers, signed some books, and dipped plums, marshmallows, and apples in chocolate. (Vacation calories don’t count. Note to self: Stop going on vacation unless you’re willing to buy new fat pants for real.) I have such smart, funny readers. It was great meeting all of you: Barbara, Errin, Jeanette, and Rachel. Rachel Kramer Bussel is a fellow Seal Press author who wrote Dirty Girls: Erotica for Women, and blogs regularly at Lusty Lady and the scrumptious cupcake blog, Cupcakes Take the Cake.

(I have some pics from the event, but I haven’t gotten permission from everyone to post them yet, so I’ll put them up later.)

While I was in New York, I also sampled Tasti D-Lite and Jamba Juice, and knew exactly how many calories I was consuming because of New York’s new law about putting calories on menu boards. Now they just need to add how many blocks I need to walk to burn off that Orange Dream Machine.

Tasti D-Lite, cookie smash cone

Jamba Juice

I took a car to the airport and ended up detouring through Queens because of a wreck near the tunnel. All I could think was, “So this is where Ugly Betty lives,” as if she were a real person. When I arrived at my terminal, I discovered the first leg of my connecting flight was delayed and I would miss my connection at Dulles. So, they put me on a direct flight instead. Yay!

Alas, the direct flight was departing from the 6th layer of hell. Un-yay.

It's amazing I'm not still at the airport

Delta Airlines, please hire more TSA screeners. I tried to speed up the process by using the kiosk and then getting in line to check my bag filled with my dangerous, 12oz-size, shampoo bottle that was obviously a threat to the safety of us all. Instead of getting in the “Kiosk baggage drop-off” line I was in the “Please take 10 minutes to fix our plane tickets and make everybody else wait” line. As I passed through security, I got singled out for super special bonus screening and got to stand in the machine where they look at me naked. I finally reached the terminal, where I plugged my laptop into a dead socket. But at least I had a free T-Mobile prepaid card from the BlogHer convention, which I was able to use to check my email and feed my new Twitter addiction. When I finally got on the airplane, some acronym wasn’t working (CPU, APU? Maybe the FU?) so the air conditioning did not work on the tarmac. It was only when the engines took over power in the air that the air came on.

It’s a loooong wait to take off from JFK.

Finally, I got home, stood at the wrong baggage carousel, and made my way out to long-term parking. Thankfully, my car was not one of the 6 that was lit ablaze while I was gone, much to my mother’s relief. She had sat at home the following night, watching the news footage, asking my brother, “Do you see a red Saturn?” The parking ticket specifically said they could not be held responsible for theft and fire, but I didn’t realize they were serious about that.

Then it was back to work on Friday, where I couldn’t stop humming “Jessie’s Girl.”

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away
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30 Comments

dietgirl • August 4, 2008 at 8:09 am

Why Can’t I Find A Woman Like That?!

Hee hee… well done PQ. The Ugly Betty/Queens line made me bust a gut laughing :) New York is so surreal, like walking past the supreme court building and going… DUN DUN!

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kathyj333 • August 4, 2008 at 9:50 am

I saw you on the Early Show. I thought you did great.

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EG • August 4, 2008 at 10:07 am

Sounds exhausting!

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Helen • August 4, 2008 at 11:06 am

Sounds like a great trip, immediately followed by airport & TSA hell. And, this may be the best line you’ve ever written:

“(Vacation calories don’t count. Note to self: Stop going on vacation unless you’re willing to buy new fat pants for real.)”

Love it. Printing it out to put on my fridge. With proper credit, of course!

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Mattie • August 4, 2008 at 12:04 pm

I was so surprised when I opened my home page online via Comcast and there you were! On the FRONT PAGE!!!!

I clicked on the link and watched the entire interview. You are such a pro at this now.

I just wanted you to know that everyone in PA who uses Comcast got to see you on the FRONT PAGE of their home page.

Is that not cool or what?

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Crabby McSlacker • August 4, 2008 at 12:19 pm

Wow, I had almost the EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE this weekend!

Well, except for being interviewed on TV and touring New York and hobnobbing with famous people and doing book signings and meeting readers.

I meant the wine and chocolate and melty cheese and overeating part.

Note to self: consider purchasing new pair of fat pants.

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MizFit • August 4, 2008 at 12:47 pm

IM SOOO SUSCEPTIBLE TO EARWORMS (so Ill be singing to Rick all week :))

thanks for sharing all this with us…I felt like I was there.

and I may never BE.

so thanks ;)

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AG • August 4, 2008 at 1:10 pm

YOU ARE A STAR!!!

I keep watching the CBS clip for inspiration which is either stalker-ish or a fantastic compliment. You rock, keep it up :)

kayla

http://www.100daysinbed.blogspot.com

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Red • August 4, 2008 at 1:27 pm

Airplane travel is such a terrible thing. A trip like that could ruin a TV appearance for me.

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Shanna • August 4, 2008 at 2:07 pm

You are everywhere, lady!! I just picked up the lated Women’s Health Mgazine, and they had you down as an inspirational must-read!! Go you! Congrats on all your success!

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Kate • August 4, 2008 at 2:41 pm

Your hair looks adorable in the pics you posted! I think my hair texture is similar to yours- i.e. thick and wavy, but mine is always veering towards the frizzy. Can you recommend whatever product you are using? I know your blog is not a forum for hair care tips, and I promise to focus all future comments on weight related issues. Loved your book!

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scone • August 4, 2008 at 2:46 pm

I second the hair comment– product secrets now, please!

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Jen • August 4, 2008 at 2:47 pm

I clicked through the feed reader to your blog just to tell you how much I like the way they did your hair for you (noticed it looked different in the green room). Wish we all had a celebrity stylist hanging out in a back room somewhere.

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Laura N • August 4, 2008 at 3:39 pm

You looked so great on TV! Fabulous job. You’re a total natural in front of the camera. And your hair? TO DIE FOR.

CBS really did a nice job with the interview, too. Glad you got to say the book title & promote it properly.

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Helen • August 4, 2008 at 6:15 pm

That song is the worst earworm EVER. Just reading the title has it in my head for at least the next 24 hours! ;-)

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Boilergrad1993 • August 4, 2008 at 7:29 pm

You did a great interview. You looked very relaxed and matter-of-fact. But I’m sure this is old hat by now. I bet after all this traveling and whatnot, you need a vacation.

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Bronwyn • August 4, 2008 at 9:38 pm

Girl, you look HOT! Love that Jamba pic. You could’ve totally licked Rick Springfield, and he would’ve liked it! Such a pretty girl!

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Heather • August 4, 2008 at 9:46 pm

Yay for New York, fondue, and our amazing PastaQueen! Great interview, so glad you to to say the name of your book. Multiple times! Yes, also great hair…

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The Baroness • August 4, 2008 at 10:24 pm

You always look so lovely! Hope you enjoyed your fondue! I’ve never had it and now I’d like to try it! Mmmmm mmmm!

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Manic Mommy • August 4, 2008 at 11:31 pm

I finished the book last night–GREAT!

And you know what I noticed most about the Early Show interview?

You’ve got great collar bones! Beautiful!

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Lisa • August 4, 2008 at 11:36 pm

PQ, I bet that someone reading your blog could have found you a source of size 32 pants at night in NYC. (My guess is either an open-late Target [Collge Point, Queens, maybe] or the closest WalMart [dunno where that’d be].) Heck, in a city where you can get dinner, porn, and weed all delivered at your convenience, probably some delivery service could have hooked you up, too.

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kate • August 5, 2008 at 12:53 pm

I just saw your Early Show clip on the Comcast page and want to tell you how impressive you are. Your poise and your confidence along with a fantastic sense of humor serve you well.(Ever think about being on television as a career?) You seemed completely comfortable being interviewed and we all love your success story. You didn’t need the pants as a prop;in fact, I think the focus being more on you in person was much more riveting.All the best to you!!

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Laura • August 5, 2008 at 6:47 pm

I’m sorry I wasn’t in NYC to get to meet you – hopefully you’ll be back soon! What did you think of Tasti D-Lite? I absolutely love it, though I recognize that it is still dessert and shouldn’t be consumed daily as I used to be wont to do :)

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Deb • August 5, 2008 at 11:06 pm

You’ve got a very “come hither” look going on in the Jamba Juice pic. :)

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Heather E • August 5, 2008 at 11:38 pm

The interview was great and you looked terrific! I am hoping you make it out to Portland, OR for a reading one of these days. I would most certainly be there.

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kathy • August 6, 2008 at 1:32 am

So, has your boss STILL not said a word about the weightloss? And does he notice you’re, like, on the TELEVISION? :)

Enjoy!

Oh, and I wonder if licking Rick Springfield would have cured your headache? Not scientific, but a GREAT excuse!

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Lydia • August 6, 2008 at 2:36 am

I love New York! Sounds like you had a lot of fun.

You look so purty in the picture where you’re standing under the juice sign!

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PastaQueen • August 6, 2008 at 8:03 am

I’m at a new job now, but the answer to your question is in the book, only $10.85 at Amazon! :)

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Chrissy • August 6, 2008 at 12:46 pm

First time commenter-I have been reading archives since I first saw you in May on the Today Show. I am now (almost) in ‘real time’. [I am not a slow reader, I also read and benefit from readers comments. Thanks to all.]

I’ll bet when you first starting blogging about your hard work to lose weight, you never imagined you would inspire so many ppl. Very cool to have become such a motivation for so many including myself. (thank you)

I appreciate you sharing about your hard work over the years w/all of us, and all the while enduring those awful headaches! We can kind of forget about that and be amazed by all your hard work.

PQ said- “When I finally got on the airplane, some acronym wasn’t working (CPU, APU? Maybe the FU?) so the air conditioning did not work on the tarmac. It was only when the engines took over power in the air that the air came on.”

My son is an Aircraft Maintenance Technician, [he works on airplanes] and this made me laugh. I am trying to learn what it is that he talks about too. (I though the FU was funny..) Glad the APU worked in the air! =) haha

And what is this about your Twitter Addiction?? You weren’t so sure about it at the beginning, and now you are addicted. Grin.

Again, I appreciate this site. Like another person who posted, I am planning to reward myself w/your book when I lose 30lbs. (that is only 2lbs away now, I want the book!)

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Lauren • April 27, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Hi. (I know, way late on the post, yada yada I wonder if you still read these?)

I just wanted to say you look SO beautiful in your pictures. And not beautiful like “that model/actress is so beautiful” because to me they don’t come across as real. But you just always have such a glow about you – it’s no wonder men say hi to you on the street! And even with your chronic headaches, I am amazed that you continue to accomplish so much.

I know you get this all the time, and maybe you get tired of it (or maybe not) but you really are a wonderful person (despite your left-leaning tendencies :P ) and you just look so amazing. I’m in the process of losing 90+ lbs and I hope I can look half as good as you do when I’m done.

I can’t wait to read both your books, and I am really enjoying catching up on your blog!

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Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog at JennetteFulda.com.

Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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The Making of CHOCOLATE & VICODIN
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European Vacation

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