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Tales from the trail: Am I hallucinating?

Near the end of my two-mile trail run, a woman in a black sports bra and black gym shorts ran past me. I ran another minute or two. Then a woman in a black sports bra and black gym shorts ran past me. Oh crap, I thought. Running in 86 degree weather and 53% humidity has given me heatstroke and I’m now hallucinating.

Then my brain kicked in and I realized I’d just run past a water fountain, which the woman probably stopped to drink at after she passed me, considering that is was 86 degrees with 53% humidity after all. Heatstroke averted, brain A-OK, if operating at slower levels.

It did make me momentarily wonder if an earlier moment during my run had also been a delusion. I wasn’t a quarter of a mile down the trail when a shirtless, barefoot man wearing nothing but ripped jeans and naked sex appeal walked straight across my path. He had shoulder-length, brown hair and 6-pack abs. I had to look around for video cameras to make sure I hadn’t run into a Calvin Klein commercial. If I owned a video phone, I could have shot their next ad right there. Then he walked off towards the street, probably to his car. It was like a Bigfoot sighting. One moment he was there and then he was gone and I wondered if I’d really seen him at all.

But it’s moments like those that make me glad I exercise.

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19 Comments

Erin • June 6, 2008 at 10:11 am

People are still brave enough to walk around barefoot?! I’d probably walk around topless before I walked around barefoot :-)

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Stephanie • June 6, 2008 at 10:32 am

First of all, I LOVE your blog, and just recently found it. You are a huge inspiration to me!!

Secondly, I know exactly what you mean about the guy you possibly hallucinated. There’s a guy at my gym that I’ve only ever seen twice. He’s incredibly sexy; shoulder-length dark hair, dark eyes, tan skin (possibly Arabic?), with the most PERFECT body I’ve ever seen. I saw him the first time while on the elliptical, and he was doing jumping jacks. His wifebeater was wet and clinging to his abs and I stared at him the whole 30 min he was in my field of vision.

Normally, I don’t oogle guys at the gym. They’re usually not attractive to me, or way too bulky, but this guy, wow.

I saw him again about 2 months later doing squats, but I was leaving and didnt want to linger too long. I look forward to the next time I see him! *swoon*

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Tangerine • June 6, 2008 at 10:50 am

I’ve lurked at your blog for a long time now, but this is my first time commenting. I love this post! I had to send it to my friends. Maybe it will encourage us all to exercise more… I know it suddenly made me want to go for a run on a shady wooded trail. :-)

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Nancy • June 6, 2008 at 10:54 am

It’s 92 here today. I’m not running all weekend unless I wake up early tomorrow morning. We are switching to morning runs at work to accomodate the heat!

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Tricia • June 6, 2008 at 11:12 am

Brave Pq!! Its 92 here in Michigan. Youre just as brave as the red wing fans that are in downtown detroit for the stanley cup parade. Whoo way to go wings!!! There are over a million people down there in that heat. eww. At least you saw some nice eye candy. Good luck with the heat wave Pq. You rock my socks.

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Karen • June 6, 2008 at 1:14 pm

In the 100s here in the Sunny South. Early for that kind of heat, but it gets like that now and then. My running days are long past anyway – arthritic hips won’t allow it. I did however just order two DVDs – Exercises for Baby Boomers (code for old geezers) and Pilates for inflexible people (code for old,stiff,fat people).

My goal is to recover some upper body strength – sometimes blow drying my hair (it’s very short!) makes my arms tired. And maybe strengthen the muscles that support the hip joints. We’ll see how it works out.

Other than that the only exercise I get is periodically walking around the hall at work – 1/8 mile about 3-5 times a day.

PQ is very inspiring – even for us older than dirt folks!

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Lisa • June 6, 2008 at 2:21 pm

I was walking on one of the main trails of our city park one evening at dusk when I began to hear something that sounded like ‘brum-brum-brum’, way off in the distance. It happened right at the moment when it’s not quite light, not quite dark and the field of vision up ahead on the graded path was limited. The sound grew gradually nearer but was basically directionless, and having nothing in my catalog of memories to compare it with I stood with my head cocked trying to figure out where it was coming from.

Suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere the entire city men’s pro soccer team appeared, moving en masse in all their testosterone-filled glory. There was no time to get out of the way without tripping one of them, so I stood still in the middle of the path and let the bulgy-muscled ‘man wave’ part on both sides, smelling like clean sweat, cologne and sex.

I tell ya, it was an experience I think only a woman or gay man could truly appreciate. I’m seriously thinking of going there again in the hopes of a repeat performance. :D

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jae • June 6, 2008 at 3:20 pm

Oh, I see! The secret to getting my butt on my treadmill is putting a hot, half naked guy in front of it. Now I just need to find that guy :) ~j

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Laura Brandon • June 6, 2008 at 4:32 pm

maybe i should start exercising outside…

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lucy • June 6, 2008 at 5:26 pm

pq! first the guy in the supermarket, now the man on the trail, is there a little twinkle in your eye* at the moment?

lucy.x

(a term strait from grandma-lucy, and the only mention of the possibility of sexual attraction in the 30 years I’ve been alive)

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vickie • June 7, 2008 at 5:57 am

perhaps he was escaping because the husband had gotten home early. . .

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PastaQueen • June 7, 2008 at 8:51 am

I recently read a story here about some people who live their lives barefoot. They believe many common foot problems are caused by wearing shoes.Personally, I’d be afraid of walking on broken glass or something like that in the city.

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K • June 7, 2008 at 3:42 pm

I love going barefoot, though I don’t do it in the street. I will do it in public parks, or anywhere there’s grass. But I have to say that I don’t believe my feet would be healthier if I was always barefoot, even though I am one of those people with podiatric problems.

I know someone who spent a semester at university barefoot (she carried flipflops in her bag for situations when you absolutely must have shoes). She says the main problem with it was that your feet get extremely dirty, which some people find disgusting. And you get callouses, which peel…

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K • June 8, 2008 at 2:34 am

I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and I ran my first 5K today! You were an inspiration for me to try it so I wanted to let you know and say thanks! I did a 10.5 minute mile which I was pretty proud of for my first time.

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Isabelle • June 8, 2008 at 4:50 pm

How interesting to hear your voice. It’s rather low and sultry – not at all how I imagined.

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PastaQueen • June 8, 2008 at 6:18 pm

If you’re referring to the Capessa interview, my voice sounded kind of low even too me. I have to wonder if it was a recording issue or something.

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Christy • June 8, 2008 at 9:14 pm

I am taking a swimming class and am nearly 10 years older than any of the other participants. The other day the lifegaurd jumped into the pool, fully clothed, I’m not generally a person who drools at the sight of *just* any man in tight clingy jeans dripping in water, but I have to say that I had a moment of excessive “swooniness” and out and out lust while he rescued the girl. I’m not missing ANY of the classes in the future. And hoping for a leg cramp of my very own in the near future…

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Not Ramona • June 9, 2008 at 11:47 am

What a great blog! Makes me want to get skinny!

No one can go wrong with sweltering heat and sasquatch.

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Online Health and Fitness • June 16, 2008 at 1:59 am

Sometimes it happens we halucinate but maybe it happens when we are not aware of it, tired and many things are coming out on our mind.

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Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog JenFul.

Man looking into telescope

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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