Now I had a little binge last night but it was a handful of chips and 1/2 slice birthday cake. I know my kids would notice if I took more chips and dh would notice the cake. I’m supposed to be on a diet.

This always stuns her friends because she has been fit and trim now for 20 years after being overweight. She NEVER binges! Never.

I wonder if the constant chocolate and other snacks during the day regulate her serotonin and diminish the cravings. She loves good food but eats “0 to 5″ almost always.

You wrote: “Even when I was driving to Marsh, I didn’t feel out of control. I knew exactly what I was doing and I didn’t care. I also didn’t eat any quicker than normal during my binge. And I’ve never felt intense depression or guilt over it.”

When I binge drank I felt exactly the same feelings/experience that you wrote above. What I’m trying to say is I have an addiction to alcohol and I knew this long before I quit, but when I went out to buy alchol I knew exactly what I was doing and I didn’t care. I never had intense depression or guilt over it either”. Until the very end when it all caught up with me.

I’m not trying to say alcohol addiction and food addiction are one in the same they are absolutely not. But I do feel that when you overindulge/binge on anything repeatedly food, shopping, alcohol, sex there is something you are seeking comfort or escape from.

Just my thoughts….great post, great honesty.

Maura

it so want the desserts ordered out at the fancy restaurant which made me gain weight.

it was the late night ben and jerry’s in my dorm room with a trashy novel that packed it on.

M.

Have you increased your calorie intake because of your training? Or maybe not an increase in calories, but different foods? Our bodies tell us what they want, and they don’t care how they get it. Body want calcium? Cheese pizza! Vegetables? Pizza with veggies.

i’m a big admirer of all you’ve done and have been doing–so much strength and humor and other good stuff in your daily keep on keepin’ on. i’ve learned a lot about rome not being built in a day from you, and though what i have to work on in my life is pretty different, i just burst with admiration for your accomplishments and draw strength and reassurance from them in trying to tackle my own unholy messes.

i’ve noticed that like a lot of people who reform their eating habits and become exercise freaks you’re starting to hit up against a pretty common problem. (i think. pls ignore if i’m being a buttinsky!) you’re gonna need more calories, more calorie-rich foods, and some sugars, and when your body thinks that it remembers pizza, candy etc etc.

did you know that a competitive long-distance female runner weighing 125 lbs needs to eat 2,000 calories a day *in carbohydrates?* oh, and then some protein and fat. i don’t know how much you’re running–probably more like 35 miles or so a week than 70-100, but you should expect you’ll need to eat more and sleep a lot more too. (professional runners, get up, eat, work out, sleep 3 hours, work out again, eat, then sleep 8-10 hours or more.)

it’s super common for people who once had avg american eating habits to think after a long run that the huge plate of everything at denny’s is what they need, because their bodies start screaming for denser foods and those are the ones they remember. you might be able to hold out all day but at some point, something gives. it’s true, lighter eating is not gonna do it for you anymore, with this ramped-up exercise habit of yours. you need (gasp–though that’s not me gasping) more carbs, just good dense, whole-grain ones. more brown rice, more beans, peanut butter, more dried fruit. probably not *that much* more, but make sure you get a little more at meals, and/or your snacks have a little more substantial carbs in them and i’ll bet the nighttime urges won’t hit so much.

when i’m training for a long-distance event, like a marathon or half-iron, i almost can’t get enough calories. 2 breakfasts and 2 lunchs are par for the course for me for those events, and that doesn’t mean weight gain, it just means more oatmeal, more potatoes, more bananas, more beans than usual.

you might just need to eat some ice cream or a piece of chocolate. don’t skimp on the veggies, though. just get in a serving more of (1 or 2 of these) hummus, whole grains, legumes, peanut butter, honey, and then you’ll only want 1-2 servings of ice cream and not the whole container. if you get that hungry at night, you might not be feeding yourself enough during the day to support your training.

so i say, try not to think about this as a dieter’s problem with old habits coming back becuase of some fundamental urge you have. having come through all you have, it’s probably hard not to read it through such a lens, but i don’t think it’s some kind of weakness or psychological issue. i think you need more calories!

there are some great books and sites out there for nutrition and running. i’ve liked a lot of the stuff i’ve seen under nutrition on the runner’s world site and in the magazine. i’m a big fan of dan bernadot, ‘nutrition for serious athletes’. ok, so you’re not an olympian, but i don’t think you’d deny you are serious! get it on interlibrary loan–the principles are the same. also, maybe with all you’ve done, treat yourself to a couple sessions with an exercise nutritionist. you are a serious athlete after all!

sorry again if this is overkill, or annoying. it is just my $.02 after all. i have so much respect and admiration for you and wish you all the best. feel free to write me if you want to talk more about this.

looking forward to reading more tales of your daily kick-assness!