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Playing with your food

I’ve bitten into chocolate rabbits. I’ve snacked on chocolate eggs. And if you live in New York, next week, you can see a naked, chocolate Jesus (or you can just visit the website here). I’m curious about how you go about making a confectionary sculpture of the savior. Do you make a big mold and pour the chocolate in? Do you start with a big block and start chipping away with a chisel or your front teeth? And how do you prevent it from melting?

According to the press release , the sculpture was supposed to be displayed last Easter along with several chocolate statues of clothed saints, meaning it’s at least half a year old. Whenever I’ve discovered an ancient chocolate bar in the back of the cupboard it has a dusty white film on it. I bet Jesus has a bad case of dandruff and scabies by now. According to the Wikipedia chocolate accumulates this white dust when fat and sugar crystals rise to the surface after improper storage. (Thanks to Chicken Girl for pointing me towards Sweet Jesus.)

And to prove that it’s not only Americans doing strange things with their food, South Africa broke the record for the world’s largest pumpkin pie this week, though I can’t find any pictures of their accomplishment. The record was previously held by the New Bremen Giant Pumpkin Growers in New Bremen, Ohio. They baked a 2,020 pound pie on October 8, 2005 and if I’d known they were doing that I would have hopped in my car and driven next door to Ohio to help them eat it. Pumpkin pie is my favorite pie by far. It tickles something in my brain that no feather can reach, sending jolts of tasty pleasure throughout my whole body. Mmmm.

I find it fascinating that the New Bremen pie lost 200 pounds during the baking process. Wow! To think, I could have bypassed these past two and a half years of fat fighting if I’d just stuck myself in an oven for a couple hours. It’s a little sad looking at the New Bremen team’s certificate from the Guiness World Records. Do they get to keep that or do they have to shred it now that it’s been broken? Or do they just get their giant pie oven out of storage and try to break that record again?

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away
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25 Comments

Mia • October 19, 2007 at 1:02 pm

Hilarious! Thanks for the links, too!

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Crystal • October 19, 2007 at 1:19 pm

Huh. You could be on to something there. Maybe in the future, “they” (whoever “they” are) will create special tanning bads that don’t just tan us, they actually cook the fat right out of us. Now I’m starting to think about things like drippings and I’m getting grossed out.

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melsky • October 19, 2007 at 1:52 pm

I totally want to jump on that pie like a trampoline!

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Jim • October 19, 2007 at 3:13 pm

I just want to swim in pumpkin pie-goo, looking at that picture. Food blogs do strange things to me some days…

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dietgirl • October 19, 2007 at 4:34 pm

OMG I’m going to NYC next week and thanks to you the intinerary is looking mighty fine now :)

PQ – That’s right! I saw you mention that on the blog. If you visit chocolate Jesus you must take a pic for us!

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Diana the Scale Junkie • October 19, 2007 at 5:45 pm

I will not be making a pilgrimage to NYC to see stale chocolate Jesus.

My Dad was the pumpkin pie eating KING, he could have put a serious dent in that thing. The pumpkin pie gene must have skipped this generation, make mine dutch apple with caramel topping and a scoop of vanilla ice cream please :-)

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jenny • October 19, 2007 at 6:00 pm

I’m sorry, I stopped reading and started thinking of the BIG SCOOP of vanilla ice cream that would need to go with this.

Ahhhhh.

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Gloria • October 19, 2007 at 8:09 pm

yummmmmm, Can’t help, but wonder how many calories that giant pie contains.

PQ – Heh! Yeah, how many points are in a two thousand pound pie? Somebody call Weight Watchers!

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PastaQueen • October 19, 2007 at 8:38 pm

Okay, I am a total math dufus. They included a list of what they put into the pie on that web page. I used SparkPeople and an Excel spreadsheet to calculate that the pie before baking had 1,093,099 calories. However, it lost 200 pounds while baking, so it probably came in at under a million calories :) They said it made over 3000 pieces, so that’s at most 333 calories a piece, which sounds reasonable and means I probably didn’t screw up my decimal points.

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CurvyJones • October 19, 2007 at 8:41 pm

Do you think if I sat in a sauna for a few hours I would drop 200 lbs?

Ok I guess not.

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Barbara • October 19, 2007 at 8:57 pm

Oh noooooooooo!!! I just clicked on the link to the chocolate jesus and I have discovered it (He?) will be two blocks away from my apartment!!! I can’t believe it. I often feel that sweets anywhere in my midst become larger than life… they fill up the entire room we’re both in… like a scene out of the Andromeda Strain… and now, my nightmare/fantasy is almost about to come true: a life-size chocolate jesus, right in my own neighborhood! God help me! :)

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Zanitta • October 20, 2007 at 2:24 am

Oh I think they’ll now be an enormous rivalry between the two , every year each of them trying to out do the other with pie size :)

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hanlie • October 20, 2007 at 2:32 am

LOL. I’m from South Africa and haven’t even heard of the pumpkin pie! Just as well, I suppose! I think they kept the information from me on purpose!

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K • October 20, 2007 at 7:48 am

Oh, now I’m remembering that scene from Spin City:

James: Each year my mom makes a candy Nativity scene.

[Carter walks by]

James: Chocolate Jesus.

Carter: James, at work, just call me Carter.

(Isn’t it sad that my brain was still storing that?)

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Marla • October 20, 2007 at 8:13 am

I am always freaked out by Giant Food. Like eating contests, it just seems so wasteful and pointless. Maybe they just haven’t yet made anything I’m very interested in… pumpkin pie is not high on my list.

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Sayre • October 20, 2007 at 12:54 pm

Whataburger now offers, in addition to its hot apple pie, lemon pie (good), and pumpkin pie (awful). I didn’t know it was actually possible to mess pumpkin pie up but somehow they managed.

I love pumpkin pie too – it may be the only kind of pie I actually will eat.

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Zentient • October 20, 2007 at 1:43 pm

I make this easy pumpkin recipe every fall

Mix:

1 can of pumpkin

1 can of fatfree evaporated milk

2 pkg. of instant sugarfree vanilla or cheesecake pudding

2 teaspoons of pumpkin pie spice, or to suit you

The crust issue is another thing. You can call this pumpkin mousse and bypass the crust.

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Liz • October 20, 2007 at 3:00 pm

Hey Queen!

FYI…Sweet Jesus works out to be 480,000 calories and 27,000 grams of fat per wwff.wordpress.com/2007/03/29/sweet-jesus/

As far as the pumpkin pie; I could totally dig into that without any guilt what so ever!!

Love your website! Congrats and way to go on your numbers!

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Liz • October 21, 2007 at 11:05 am

Hi I have your site on my blog as I have just started blogging. If you add people to yours I would be greatly appreciate it http://www.lizzytish-thewomanwithin.blogspot.com.

First I have to say you look fantastic. I’m not going to read all of your blogs i would just like to know how you lost all the weight food and excercise wise. I’m glad you posted a blog about the skin because i was going to ask. I’m only 300 pnd so I’m hoping i have a bit more success with my skin going back but i doubt my stomach will. I aw your arms and i thought they didn’t look bad at all. How do you feel now that you can do so many things you couldn’t do before it must feel fantastic. Good luck with the book I might just have to pick it up and read it myself. I love insperational stories. Cheers Liz

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Christian Faith • October 21, 2007 at 12:06 pm

What kind of person would make a chocolate Jesus? Oh yeah, the kind that doesn’t believe that He died for their sins. Its a shame. I hope that the “artist” sees it before its too late. Jesus can save your soul. I know it is easier to live a life that is carefree and such but it is so much better knowing where I will be at the end of my life.

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LisaC • October 21, 2007 at 8:52 pm

We also don’t have pumpkin pie really in Australia. I just think it sounds weird!

Canned pumpkin! Strange…

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Erin • October 21, 2007 at 10:05 pm

Oh, this is divine providence for sure! I’ll be in NYC that very weekend, and I’m determined to make it to the chocolate Jesus gallery now.

I’m like 132% more excited about my trip now…thank you!

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the former veggie p. • October 22, 2007 at 10:54 am

“Wow! To think, I could have bypassed these past two and a half years of fat fighting if I’d just stuck myself in an oven for a couple hours.” See, PQ, this is why I love you. That made me laugh out loud.

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Migraineur • October 22, 2007 at 2:35 pm

I’m reminded of what Garrison Keillor once said, “The best pumpkin pie you ever had in your life isn’t that much better than the worst pumpkin pie you ever had. Pumpkin pie is just an excuse to eat nutmeg.”

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Julia • December 1, 2007 at 5:51 pm

That’s too funny, the whole time reading this I was thinking ‘I’m from South Africa and never heard of them making pumpkin pie’

Pumpkin fritters, pumpkin soup yes :)

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Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog at JennetteFulda.com.

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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