May 7, 2007 at 9:38 am
In lieu of seeing the horsies at the Derby this weekend, I decided to see a spider at the movie theatre, or Tobey Maguire dressed up as one in Spider-man 3. But I was almost mauled by bears on the way to the stadium seating, gummi bears that is.
At the entrance to the theatre, the ticket-taker ripped my ticket in half and then handed me not only the stub, but a small plastic bag of gummi bears. That’s right, people are now literally shoving junk food into my hands. Maybe I need to start wearing a T-Shirt that says, “Please don’t feed the dieter.” As a kid we used to buy Snickers bars at the convenience store around the corner and smuggle the sugary contraband inside at the bottom of my mother’s purse, and now they’re giving the stuff away for free. They’re trying to take all the fun out of it, aren’t they? At least I still got a thrill by sneaking a can of generic Diet Cola inside by tucking it between my billfold and cell phone. Maybe next time I can attempt to smuggle in an entire stalk of celery in an umbrella case.
There were people in line behind me, so I just started wandering to the right theatre as I flipped the bag of candy over to inspect it. Then I rolled my eyes, caught site of a trash can and tossed the baggie into the hole at the top in an excellent free throw. That would have been inconceivable behavior two years ago, or even a year ago. Hell, I probably wouldn’t even have done it six months ago. But I’d eaten before I came to the complex and I wasn’t going to eat a bag of candy I didn’t ask for just because someone pushed it under my face. Gummi bears aren’t all that bad for you as far as candy is concerned, but it seemed pointless to eat something I knew I would regret just because it was free. It was better to let the gummi bears go hibernate in the trash can among the empty popcorn bags.