Weight is so complex in our culture – it seems to me the medical condition of obesity has gotten caught up in the cultural morays and judgements surrounding being fat – and its confusing to people in terms of acknowledging significant weight loss.

Lately, I have found that there is almost some kind of virtue attached to my weight loss by others. I find it troubling that virtue and weight have become linked somehow in the minds of many people. There in nothing virtuous about being thinner and their was nothing morally troubling about being fat. Its not a moral or characterological issue – its a complex condition that weaves together the realms of the emotional, medical, social and behavorial; but moral, not at all.

Clearly, I need to stop ranting in your comments and just go post on this topic.

I do think if someone has a serious weight problem, it’s okay for a loved one to say something about it, but they should do it in a kind, tactful, caring way and not in an asshole way. Otherwise it might just be more damaging to the fat person than helpful.

Cindy, this link might make you feel less stressed about regaining.

It makes me appreciate the fact that I live in a country where I don’t have to worry about starving.

I am still enjoying your site—it is the one I look forward to most during the week. Your attitude helps me keep mine in check, shall we say. This post hit home, particularly because I HATE having people remark about my weight loss. I have tried to learn some “responses” that satisfy the giver, but end the discussion ASAP. There are a few times where I have found it to be enjoyable, but usually, I dread the whole business. And recently, I have had not one, but two different people ask me if I was “okay.” They wanted to be sure I wasn’t sick with cancer or something. I have lost 130 pounds, but I am NOT thin, by any stretch of the imagination. I just entered the “overweight” category on the BMI chart. I have a long way to go to approach normal, let alone thin, so they are just crazy. I just turned 46, too, so I am a little sensitive—does this weight loss make me look old?!

The other part of your post that hit home was your comfort level with having been so overweight, and your respect for other overweight people. I have a LONG way to go in this area. I despise myself for having been morbidly obese and still struggle with self-loathing (I am working on it, but it is a struggle…). When I see another obese person, I don’t hate them, but I certainly judge them (right or wrong, it is how I feel…). I also feel compassion for their situation and wish for them to be able to have some success in the weightloss area—for their health, and for their sense of self-worth. I feel like damaged goods…flawed in some intangible but never the less very real way. Have I so internalized society’s message that I do not think rationally about this? Or IS it something to want to change? I just don’t know… But it is part of the reason that my biggest fear continues to be the threat of gaining it all back. Statistics are not in my favor, that is for sure. A friend, who is taking a course in obesity for her dietician’s license, stated recently that I an am anomaly—that my kind of success (yours, too) is not supposed to be possible (or at least probable). She meant it as a compliment, until I reminded her that another word for anomaly is “FREAK!” I also gently explained that she was, in fact, voicing my greatest fear. In a recent post, you said something like “If I ever get fat again, I’ll think it reflects my lifestyle at that time, not that I’m a bad person.”—or something like that. I thought a LOT about that one. I’ve decided that I honestly think that I could not survive regaining. It would kill me. I have worked too hard at this and it has challenged me in so many ways (and continues to do so!). If I fail after this, I will die. I will not be able to see it as a different phase of my life. And that scares the hell out of me…

See? This is why I need your attitude every couple of days…it helps me balance my thinking and realize that there is another perspective out there. So THANKS!

Cindy