January 4, 2007 at 9:58 am
Crash dieting is not only bad for your health, it’s bad for the public transit system. Sick subway passengers were the third highest reason for subway disruptions in New York, with fainting dieters who haven’t eaten topping the sick list.
I’ve never fainted in my life. The closest I came was at the veterinarian’s office when I skipped breakfast to make the appointment in time. The room was hot and I felt myself getting dizzy and nauseous, though I was at exactly the wrong kind of doctor’s office to get sick. This is the kind of disaster you are courting when you skip breakfast, collapsing on a tile floor contaminated with doggie drool and parakeet poop. They fed me crackers and a glass of water and gave me a nice neck rub and I felt better. Okay, not the neck rub. But I probably would have sat up and begged for one if offered a good enough treat.
When you watch old TV shows or movies, women are fainting all the time, so you’d think we’d all be dropping like sacks of flour at the slightest sign of stress. Of course, if I’m extrapolating theories about real life from the movies I’d also think all women are bound to twist their ankles when fleeing zombies, as though we’re as fragile as thoroughbreds. The only girl I knew who fainted was Michelle in 2nd grade. She was in the classroom adjoining ours, so when they called the paramedics everyone in Ms. Smoot’s class came over to our room and we had impromptu story time. At least Michelle had the decency to time her fainting spell to break up boring interludes at school and not to make the trains run late.
Earlier: Breaking up with Lane Bryant
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