I’m not sure whether it sounds worse than it is or is just as bad as it sounds. I do know it’s not a good enough reason to put off taking charge of my health. And hey, as I get thinner I’ll be able to do more things for myself, like put together a work wardrobe I can actually afford (since they have barely any plus-sized clothes at Goodwill) and get a job and, y’know, get the hell away from him. He isn’t keeping me here with physical force, mind you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want some distance.

“The few well-known examples we have of powerful women have either been equated with destruction, like Helen of Troy or Cleopatra, or they have been coupled with images of emasculated men, like maggie of Maggie and Jiggs.”

Growing up with TV shows like Buffy and Xena as well as real women like Oprah, I’d say that’s not entirely true anymore. Okay, Xena left a lot of destruction in her wake, but it was her own doing and she tried to redeem herself. I still agree with what you said though, that our bodies and beauty still affect how we’re treated in the workplace and in the world.

Also interested in your Buffy analysis – from my perspective (46 y/o) I see very little difference, or I should say little progress, from the 1970s. Despite some positive images, I’d say that women are even more constrained, even more controlled and defined, by their bodies and their perceived beauty. I see that being as prevalent in the workplace as ever. So it’s startling to me to see a younger woman write what you did; I’m not arguing with your experience, just surprised.

But this I do have to be insistent about, because it is one of my pet peeves: “anorectic” is the correct adjectival form. You can call someone “an anorexic” but can’t say “she’s anorexic.” :)

but I’ll agree with the creepy-guy looks scenario. When I was in college, and not fat, I was a 20-year old blonde with big tits trying to make it in a male-dominated profession. I had no clue that it was cliche to hit on the 20-year old blonde intern all the time. I just hated it. Can’t I freaking do my job without you leering at me? Put your tounge back in your mouth.

But I really don’t want to believe that I got fat to stop this from happening. Because even though as a 20-year old, I only weighed ~130, I thought I was fat. I ALWAYS thought I was fat. From the day I grew those big tits I thought I was fat.

Also, there is something to the safety from creepy-guy looks. I think that it has more to do with how you feel about yourself and how you’re dressing, though, because Cynthia’s right that fat women can be very sexual too.

I think that Appetites: Why Women Want also has some interesting insights on weight, though the focus is more on anorexia.

I just came across your blog and I am really blown away by how much courage you have to put yourself out there. I really admire that. Congratulations on all of your hard work! I am currently in the process of trying to lose weight as well. I have been pretty discouraged, but I just have to believe in myself because I know I can do it. I hope you don’t mind, but I am going to add your blog to my site so I can keep in touch and visit your blog as well. Keep up the fantastic work! You look great!

Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like I’m ranting here, but the issues you raise are close to my heart.