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Weight: 192 – Pounds left to lose: 32

The secret to weight loss – chocolate covered cherries and snickerdoodles. You heard it here first. Oh, maybe all that running and bending my body like a pretzel helped too.

Two nights ago I dreamt I was fat again, complete with butt shelf. My butt used to stick out so far you could rest a set of Encyclopedia Britannica’s on it. I looked as fat as I had been when I weighed 300, but in the dream I knew I still weighed 195. I’d only hallucinated all the body changes over the past two years, like I was wrapped in a fairy glamour that had finally worn off. I looked at myself in the mirror to see that my clothes were wrinkled and ill-fitting. I don’t ever want to go back there. I don’t ever want those clothes to fit again.

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away
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15 Comments

christie • December 30, 2006 at 11:25 am

I don’t think you have anything to worry about, PQ – It’s obvious you have this down and are in it for the long haul. Good job being down to 192, you are just blowing through the 190′s. Usually it would be slower for someone who has already come as far as you. And through the holidays, too! Awesome.

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Michelle • December 30, 2006 at 1:35 pm

You are AMAZING!!!! Great job on the loss. When are you posting new pictures??

Keep up the good work…you’re so inspiring!! (o;

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digsite • December 30, 2006 at 1:55 pm

now there’s a dram that would scare anybody back on the horse if they fell off!

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Janice Bridge • December 30, 2006 at 2:03 pm

For those of us who have worked to move into a lower weight body – the fear of regaining is prevalent and on-going. There are a lot of fancy theories on why the dreams of awakening in the previous body over night recur – but for me it is enough to know that this is part of what I will be experiencing,

I have heard that for every 10% of body weight reduced it will take ONE full year to adjust. . . . so you have at least 5 years to work with adjusting to the new body image.

You have so many skills, honed through this journey, that you should do well

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CB • December 30, 2006 at 5:34 pm

I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. I have been reading your blog and following your progress for well over a year. I bitch and moan about the 80 pounds I have to lose and want to commit to losing in 07, and you have lost 180 & are so inspirational to me. Thanks for putting everything into perspective. Keep up the good work!!!

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ann • December 30, 2006 at 8:57 pm

Wow! I don’t know you, but I started reading this blog through a link on another blog, and I have been so inspired. I’m working on the weight-loss thing too, and I’ve made a note to reread this blog if I get discouraged.

You should be so proud of your progress.

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Patty • December 31, 2006 at 1:29 am

It’s just a dream, just a dream… I know you won’t gain the wt back. You are doing so awesome and all thru the holidays too! I was rocking it but hit a snag at xmas but just maintaining this week. I’ll get with the program here soon.

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Vickie • December 31, 2006 at 12:28 pm

Have a safe and wonderful New Years!!!

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CMRA • December 31, 2006 at 3:57 pm

Best wishes to you, and all your many readers, for the New Year ahead !

I often read your blog, find it funny and inspiring, & this is just a quick note to thank you for sharing your progress with us.

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Judi Finneran • December 31, 2006 at 10:41 pm

Congratulations on your wonderful success story. Like many others on this New Year’s Eve I am combing the web looking for encouragement and motivation in the journey to health and wellness I began on December 27th. I have 185 pounds to lose and I am excited to be beginning. I look forward to going over your site and reading posts and looking at pictures and gaining strengh from your success.

Cheers, Judi

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shinypenny • January 1, 2007 at 12:59 am

I have a similar nightmare, only mine is binging. Usually happens during PMS periods, so it might be hormones. I wake up convinced that I’ve stuffed myself and will never lose weight – just awful :(

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jae • January 1, 2007 at 4:41 am

You’ll never go back, Sweetie. You’ve done so great and you are such an inspiration. You’re awesome!! ~j

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yo • January 1, 2007 at 10:02 pm

I wonder if you’d benefit from some therapy, pq? Not cause you come across as anything but sane, but because such huge changes to your body might take some working through.

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Mymsie • January 1, 2007 at 10:33 pm

Wow – intense dream. (Deep) I think it’s safe to say that although you’ll have to be vigilant, you’ll probably never go back “there” again. What a WONDERFUL thought and accomplishment – now that’s a happy new year! :)

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Annie • January 4, 2007 at 12:32 pm

OMG I had the book shelf butt too. In fact it came back a little when I regained some of the weight but I have it gone again (not that my butt is anywhere near small)…I think that was one of the wake up calls for me. I looked in the mirror and saw the shelf back. To me that dream is not such a bad thing. It’s good to be reminded where we came from so that we don’t slide back. In your case you just had to wake up to loose the shelf.

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Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog JenFul.

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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