October 5, 2006 at 11:40 am
I keep debating whether to go to the Joseph Arthur concert tonight.
Positive, it’s only $12.
Negative, it’s at a bar and grill venue that I’m unfamiliar with. I don’t know if I’ll like the atmosphere. Aren’t bars smoky? I hate cigarette smoke.
Positive, I could wear a new dress that someone gave me and feel like a pretty, pretty, princess, minus the tiara. Part of the fun of losing weight is to wear pretty clothes in public and not just in the walk-in closet for my cat.
Negative, I would have to skip my planned walking and Pilates for tonight, which might be a “positive” in some people’s minds but would make me feel a tiny smidge guilty. Not to mention I took yesterday off too, so there would be two empty boxes in a row on my wall-calendar-of-guilt, a.k.a. my exercise chart.
Positive, it’s really close to my apartment. I could walk there if it wasn’t dark and rainy and a river was in the direct way. Well, I suppose I could swim, but like I said, I’ve never been there before so I don’t know if the bathrooms have hand dryers to dry me out afterwards.
Negative, I don’t have anyone to go with, so I’ll probably feel awkward. And pathetic. And lonely.
Positive, how am I going to meet anybody if I don’t go out? Duh. Besides, I act all confident in this here blog, maybe I should let that bleed over into my real life.
Negative, but I’m still anxious anyway.
Positive, oh get over it, you coward.
Negative, some drunkard might spill their drink on my new dress.
Positive, if I wring out my clothes in my mouth I’ll get free liquor!
Actually, I don’t know why I’m even debating this here because everyone is just going to tell me to go. Who would tell me “No, PastaQueen, you shouldn’t go out and interact in the community but instead watch all those TV shows you downloaded because you don’t have TiVo or cable. Don’t you want to know if anyone was stabbed with a seam ripper on the Project Runway reunion?” So I guess I’ll go, damn you persuasive people! Why must you push me to do things I don’t want to do but know are for my own good? This is like convincing myself to exercise. I don’t really want to do it, but I know I’ll probably feel good afterwards. You’d think since I’m thinner now I’d be more willing to go show my face in public, but I think introversion is just hardwired into my system.