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Weight: 235 – Pounds left to lose: 75

Two weeks in a row I’m holding steady at 235. Again, I’m choosing to believe this is because of increased muscle mass due to my strength training and Pilates and has absolutely nothing to do with the four pack of Cadbury Eggs I bought and devoured in one day. Yes, totally unrelated.

It’s getting cooler around here, so I cracked open those boxes in my closet marked “Skinny Clothes” and tried on a lot of short sleeved tops. I was happy to find a lot of stuff fits now that didn’t fit last fall. Yay! Some of this stuff I remember wearing freshman year of college, which was 8 years and another 15 pounds ago. Surly it can’t have been that long? I must be doing the math wrong. Alas, no. Those were the days before peer-to-peer file sharing and iPods. Dark times, people. I think I was still using Windows 95 back then. *shudders*

Having my own little fashion show was quite fun. I look totally cute in some of this stuff. It made me realize that I could never lose another pound and I would honestly be happy with my body. Wow. There are girls who look 10 times better than I do who wouldn’t be able to say that. That’s really an amazing place to be and I don’t know how to draw anyone a map to get here. Typing in “body satisfaction” into Google maps is no help either. Man, I thought Google knew everything!

I’m still going to keep exercising and work towards goal, but I am so in love with myself right now that it’s sickening. I’m sure several of you have already vomited on your keyboards reading this. Someone call the janitor and get the bucket of red sawdust! Really, is there anything more annoying than someone who goes on and on about how happy and self-satisfied they are? One of my friends keeps going on about her wonderful sex life (none of you people, someone else who doesn’t know about his blog) and it’s getting to a point where I want to scream, “The last male who felt me up was my cat! Would you shut up about your fabulous orgasms already?!” So this is me, shutting up now.

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away
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12 Comments

stephanie • March 11, 2006 at 4:40 pm

Rock on!! I know this feeling– I’m actually having it right now despite still being a ways from my ultimate goal weight :)

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Julie • March 11, 2006 at 7:07 pm

This is one of the most gratifying posts I’ve ever come across. My favorite: “It made me realize that I could never lose another pound and I would honestly be happy with my body.” You are miles beyond most of us, girl. Congratulations for the work you’ve done on your head as well as your body. You are one beautiful person.

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little miss ess • March 11, 2006 at 7:27 pm

Ditto what Julie wrote.

Very inspiring.

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Eh... not so much • March 11, 2006 at 9:01 pm

Awesome! You’re doing so great!

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Josie • March 11, 2006 at 9:59 pm

Wow. I haven’t read a post like this…ever. I have only just started to feel this way from time to time, but tend to quickly discount the feeling for one reason or another- it’s vain of me to feel this way…I still have so much further to go…etc, etc. Thanks to this post, I think I’m going to make a stronger effort to relish those moments.

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The Fat Girl • March 12, 2006 at 12:58 am

I am a whole bunch shorter than you and fifteen pounds heavier than you and I feel WAY prettier and happier right now than I ever did in high school during one of my diet-nadir moments at a size 12 or 14. For the first time in my life, I am starting to settle into my body, to have a sense of “This is it. This is my body, and it is the body I have, and it’s fine, and pretty cute, and it’s not going anywhere, and okay, let’s dress it up and take it for a spin.” Of course, some days I want about fourteen plastic surgery procedures. But some days not! And those days are great! And they are new and exciting!

It’s pretty awesome to have days on which I feel good about my appearance. And weird to think they never happened until, like, THIS YEAR. I am 22 years old.

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Kim • March 12, 2006 at 5:02 am

I am feeling pretty good about myself too. My husband keeps saying, “It’s all about you isn’t it” I always tell him “That’s right and that is how I like it” After 25 years of being mother, wife, worker, daughter it SHOULD be about me and I love myself!!! I am VERY selfcentered! It’s good thing I am not a hot chick with this attitude because then I think I would be unbearable!

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Dee • March 12, 2006 at 3:28 pm

isn’t perspective a wonderful thing! you must never shut up! I’m living veraciously through you Hun, don’t ya know ;D

Awesome@ fitting into clothes that you haven’t ventured into in 8yrs, I know how gratifying that is and it really goes to show you just how far you’ve come.

I’m with ya on the timeline too… the other day I couldn’t believe it’s been a little under 10yrs since I’ve been at high school and all of a sudden I feel SO old, like holy crap that can’t be right?!

you’re taking wonderful care of yourself and that totally warrants strutting up and down and feeling great with who you are, don’t ever ever stop. It’s such an elusive place to be.

Gives us all hope ;D

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Isabelle • March 12, 2006 at 5:28 pm

What a lovely feel-good (but also funny) entry. I wish I felt like this, but I hope you continue to do so. Well done and all good wishes.

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Amy • March 13, 2006 at 8:41 am

do you ever wish you could go back to highschool and talk your highschool self into enjoying life more? i felt so fat, i was a size 10, and i wanted to dissapear. and now stuffing myself into size 16 jeans (must’ve shrunk in the wash) i can’t stop looking at myself. wish i’d figured it out sooner. cheers to liking ourselves!

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hopefulloser • March 13, 2006 at 9:12 am

Awesome, it’s because you’ve done such an amazing job. You kick butt, who wouldn’t love you.

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QZ • November 5, 2009 at 9:37 am

Ah, but you HAVE drawn the map. Well maybe not THE map- we all have our own- but you gave us a terrific reference. Thank you! :)

QZ

“That’s really an amazing place to be and I don’t know how to draw anyone a map to get here. ”

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Comments are now closed on all PastaQueen entries. The blog is an archive only so I don't have to deal with spammers. For fresh discussions please visit my new blog JenFul.

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Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, weight-loss inspiration, chronic headache sufferer, and overall nice person (who is silently judging you). She does this at JenFul now, but you can still have fun perusing her past here.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

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