It’s hard not to take in personally, but I’m teaching myself to remove myself from the situation and put it down to their own personal body image issues rather than a reflection on your friendship.

Let’s face it: as women we all play the “weight” game – the I’ll-be-happier-when-I’m-skinny and expecting a magic pill to melt the pounds away, and most people do not have the patience or motivation to do it the healthy and less instant way. So when they see the weight loss in you, they feel jealous. Threatened. Inadequate. Like they have failed themselves.

I’m the first to admit this is how I have felt many times when I met a friends/acquaintance who lost a lot of weight.

And I’ve hated the hostility and lack of support from some of my own “friends.” But if you are doing it the right way so that it is a healthy lifestyle change rather than a crash diet, take it as a compliment.

When they start saying you are “too skinny” take it as a sign that you are changing your body shape and achieving what you set out to achieve.

And if you feel like the friendship is really worthwhile, take them aside and reassure them that you are still the same old person, you just come in different packaging!

Unfortunately, losing a lot of weight sometimes means that you also will lose some friends. A few weeks ago, I visited an old friend who has known me for almost 20 years. I had not seen her in a year, but when she saw me, she blurted out, “You’ve lost a lot of weight.” She looked perturbed. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say, so I said, “Thank you.” She said, “No, it’s really apparent. You’ve lost a significant amount of weight.” She didn’t mention my name throughout the conversation. Last week, I received a holiday card in which my friend wrote that she was confused and didn’t remember who I was because I looked so different. This incident made me wonder about the whole dynamics of outer appearance. I am aware that some people did not approach me in the past because I was morbidly obese. At work, the same people who once ignored me, now invite me to casual get-togethers. Long time friends worry that I am a different person. Inside, I am the same person, but how people treat me in the outside world is different now than before.

I lost a friend in the summer of 2006 because she felt threatened by the weight loss. I believe that some people secretly want their fat friends to remain the same weight.

So I am curious: did your oldest friend ever get in touch with you?

Don’t feel like a wierd loner at all becauwe I know exactly how you feel. I sort of went through a rough patch about 5 years ago, then a metamorphosis and for the whole two years that took, I sort of shut everyone out and ended up making some new friends after all was said and done.

I agree that the longer you go without contact, the harder it is to make tht effort. If I can bring in a cheery spot though, I just recently heard from a friend that I have not talked to for a few years and everything picked right back up where it was left off…so maybe that can happen for you :).

It’s okay to be a weird loner. I’m pretty much a weird loner myself.

I have to admit, I’m speaking from the heart here, because I went for nearly two years contacting hardly any of my old friends. I went through a bad time and didn’t want to talk to anyone, and when it was over, I’d sort of got out of the loop. I did want to get in contact, but didn’t know how to do it (on the most mundane level, over two years e-mail addresses and phone numbers can change, especially at our age!)

Now I sound like a weird loner, which I’m really not. But I kind of felt that nobody wanted to see me, because I’d vanished for so long… and then it just became longer.

I hope everything is OK with your friend, and that you do get back in contact soon…