October 3, 2005 at 12:51 pm
Oooh, I got tagged for a meme by CaloreLab. You like me, you really, really like me! Seriously though, I’m still adjusting to the fact that people are actually reading this thing and I’m no longer just sending entries into the endless void of the Internet.
Here’s my assignment, which I have chosen to accept: “Look at the 5th sentence of the 23rd post and ponder its meaning, subtext, or hidden agenda.” Now I’m having flashbacks to the reading comprehension section of the SATs. Aaah, standardized testing!
My sentence is: “I thought whatever was wrong had gotten better, so I made the long haul up the 3 flights of stairs, pausing on each landing for breath.” This post was made 14 months ago, back when I weighed 372 pounds and was attempting to walk up the stairs to the 4th floor. My mind was willing, but my knees were not – hence PAIN!
The entry itself is just another story about how it sucks to be morbidly obese, but it has some significance in my overall weight loss story. I never had what alcoholics call “a moment of clarity” regarding my weight loss. I’d known for at least a decade that I needed to lose weight. I told myself that every single day, so much so that I desensitized myself to the topic altogether. “Buy groceries, get gas, lose weight.” Just another thing to do. Someday.
Instead of one single life-changing moment, I instead experienced a grand crescendo of forces that finally shoved me into the successful (so far) lifestyle I’ve adopted. I had to have my gall bladder removed at the end of 2003, right after I’d turned 23. I was having problems getting health insurance. I was experiencing the normal trials of being fat – difficulty finding clothes, inability to buckle my seatbelt in a friend’s car, becoming easily winded walking small distances with friends, etc.
At about the same time as my stairway entry, my brother had lost a lot of weight on the South Beach Diet and was gently urging me to at least read the book. The fact that my knees hurt going down the stairs at the age of 23 seriously disturbed me. While it was not the single factor that finally kicked my ass into gear after so many false starts, it was one star in the constellation of reasons that coalesced in my life at the end of 2004.